tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2005277173326041992024-03-05T05:57:58.261-08:00Spilled Milk and Wet KissesAmandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.comBlogger344125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-48744816943479979632019-12-15T12:38:00.000-08:002019-12-15T12:54:06.472-08:00My Blood Disorder Has a name As many of you are aware, I had a massive debilitating stroke 7 years ago while pregnant with baby #5. The cause "pregnancy related". I underwent three full years of non stop therapy( physical, speech, occupational, cognitive retraining), Dr. apps, driving evaluations, psycho therapy appointments, psychiatric appointments, hematologist, neurologist, etc. All while trying to learn how to be a Mom and wife again and dealing with extreme feelings of sadness, grief, mourning, and loss. Needless to say, as the therapy began to lift, appointments began to dwindle I decided to take a break from any medical appointment. I was tired, my once proactive lifestyle for health was crushed. I no longer cared about preventative things such as pap smears, mammograms.<br />
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After a random appointment with my psychotherapist, I stated I would like to be done with Coumadin. So, she suggested I revisit my hematologist. So, reluctantly I made that appointment. ( me and my big mouth). I see my doctor and she ordered a complete work up of my blood. The lab took nine viles of blood! Here we go again. I could feel all my anxiety of doctors starting to creep up. I was angry I had opened up pandora's box. A few weeks passed as the blood was accessed.<br />
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I returned to my doctor this past week. She said I have a blood disorder called lupus(not lupus) anticoagulant blood disorder. Which means, my blood thickens unnaturally causing clots. She said it answers why I lost 5 babies to miscarriage and had a massive stroke. She smiled at Ben and I and said, "You know you are a miracle, right?! You know having your 5 kids is a miracle." I was relieved and grateful to Gods that we had a diagnosis. This is an autoimmune disorder, basically my cells bind unnaturally to each other causing clots. I cannot believe God in his mercy and sovereignty protected me countless times, protected all 5 live babies, continually heals my body(still waiting on my left hand). In other words, I'm on Coumadin for life :)<br />
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Even when we don't think God is working, He is working, even we feel He is silent and cannot hear us, He hears. I'm still sad about my stroke, I grieve the life I had, I grieve the loss we, as a family, have experienced. Yet, I truly believe that God causes all things to work for good, for those who love the Lord.<br />
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I'm thankful for the years that lay ahead of me. I am thankful to be able to give my kids a name to the blood disorder, so they can be tested for it, when ready. . I am so so thankful to Jesus Christ for continually walking with me through this very hard and dark time of my life. Lupus Anticoagulant you are not stronger than Jesus who by his blood I am healed. I fought for everything I have in life, my life as a Mama, to be a Mama. Even when I didn't know I was fighting I was fighting. Here are two blogs written with two hands before my stroke..... soo they are much longer and more descriptive. Hence, the reason my blogging has all but slowed and stopped since my stoke.<br />
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<a href="http://spilledmilkandwetkisses.blogspot.com/2011/10/miscarriage-carnival.html" target="_blank">http://spilledmilkandwetkisses.blogspot.com/2011/10/miscarriage-carnival.html</a><br />
<a href="http://spilledmilkandwetkisses.blogspot.com/2010/12/happy-new-year-hannah.html" target="_blank">http://spilledmilkandwetkisses.blogspot.com/2010/12/happy-new-year-hannah.html</a><br />
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-1316954579775069872017-05-28T20:29:00.002-07:002017-05-28T20:32:49.874-07:00Knights in Training by Heather Haupt-Review<br />
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I am so excited to write this review on Knights in Training by Heather Haupt. This book speaks to the heart of "boy moms" everywhere who desire to raise up strong, caring, responsible, and compassionate young men. As a Mama of three young "knights in training". I have always felt strongly about raising up godly young men, who possess "chivalrous" traits. The amazing news is Heather has written a great resource for "boy moms" to refer to on a daily basis. Her resource is a must have for anyone looking to sort a #chivalarymovement!!! Preorder yours today<span style="font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;">!<a href="http://amzn.to/2qpFmLO" target="_blank">preorder knights in training!!!!</a></span></span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-22963987998768651312017-05-20T13:49:00.001-07:002017-05-20T13:49:59.786-07:00ctn slide show SD 480p<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/6eTPcA-XSTY" width="459"></iframe>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-83652891517272871792017-05-08T21:48:00.000-07:002017-05-08T21:56:53.073-07:00A Daunting Challenge <br />
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I have an epic summer vacation plan this summer! We will be camping, hiking, fishing, relaxing, and exploring as a family! Also, we will add up to 19 cancellation stamps to our passport! I have as many reservations planned as I could. Unfortunately , not all national parks allow reservations... many are first come first served. I hope we can secure a site! <a href="https://roadtrippers.com/trips/17466021?utm_campaign=trip_guide&utm_medium=share&utm_source=copy" target="_blank">summer trip 2017</a>! I am so excited to gaze at the stars, take a cave tour in Great Basin, eat a ton of smores! This summer cannot get here fast enough! Making memories together is something I treasure as when I was in therapy full time... we went nowhere all freakin' hot summer long....but now that I am free... WE hit the road and explore!</div>
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<a href="https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/viewer?mid=1lmPh-14mBlRvfot6A8ovVGI1i_U&ll=36.48982255204191%2C-100.72878416875005&z=5" target="_blank">family goal to cancel as many national parks, monuments, battlefields, ad trails as humanly possible!</a>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-82016276057447890612017-03-19T20:37:00.002-07:002017-03-19T22:41:41.452-07:00Trip Planning<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="text-align: start;">I am enthusiastic, passionate, and creative naturally. My motto is "go big or go home." I love planning family vacations experiences. I am in the middle of planning an epic road trip back to my home state of Michigan, </span><span style="text-align: start;"> I am still waiting for the final "yes" from Ben. This trip will be amazing! We will learn so much history and collect so many cancellation stamps. I am like Goofy, from the Goofy Movie. I may even be a more an extreme version of him. True story. Sometimes, my family looks at me with my </span>sprawling maps, pinterest ideas on cheap living on the open road, and they smile nervously, or is it sweetly??? They love me and my love for life. I tell them when I die, put my ashes in different baggies and when they visit a national park... just sprinkle the baggy there. I love nature, fresh air, history, crazy family moments, pb&j road trip sandwiches, crap gas station coffee, laughing hysterically because life is so insane.. and my family loves me for it. I really hope Ben says "yes". I am ready for some summer fun in the cooler northern part of the country. I am researching people to stay with for the night... So, I might ask you :) Life is an adventure; it is windy, unpredictable, wild, and a journey and I intend on carpe diem.. each moment even if I am Goofy on steroids, see movie clip below.</span></div>
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-78478820296856837582017-03-18T23:30:00.001-07:002017-03-18T23:30:08.049-07:00<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eTPcA-XSTY" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>video of my story</b></span></a>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-65712688369701474182017-03-18T23:18:00.001-07:002017-03-18T23:18:43.907-07:00Raw Emotions, Hurt.My fourth child lost her first top tooth tonight. My heart hurts so bad. Milestones with Hannah hurt the most for me. When the stroke happened, she was only 21 months. We were connected at the hip. I missed out on a lot of her milestones. My sister in law potty trained her, comforted her when I was absent. I will never forget her walking into my hospital room wth her soft, wavy , bleached blonde hair and waving her pudgy hand to me and saying "Hi Mama!" I buried my face in her soft hair and hugged her.<br />
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When Hannah began kindergarten, I sobbed. I feel like time is racing, and I am not capturing enough moments. Tonight, she struggled going to bed because she is trying desperately to stop sucking her fingers. Ben taped her fingers, I cuddled in her bed, holding her taped, listening to soft worship music on her cd player and feeling like my heart was going to break from watching my Lou grow up.<br />
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Please stop, I do not feel I am doing a good enough job. Many days I feel so overwhelmed and inadequate to mama five kids ranging from preschooler to preteen, with a brain injury. I am so inadequate for this job. Jesus, I'm sorry for trying to do the on my own. I don't want to mess this up... but daily, I feel as though I am. I will miss her baby tooth and the beautiful gap between her teeth.<br />
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Why does my heart hurt so much? Maybe because ALL my babies are growing up... and it hurts. I don't know what I'm doing! Sorry this is a rambling, tears are streaming down my face bc life hurts, transition hurts, loss hurts, and I'm still grieving. Gosh I hate grieving. Hannah stop losing teeth, stop having birthdays, just stay my little Lou a little while longer.. while I try and catch up to our lost years. I'm sorry, I was absent during those formative of years... I missed you, I'm sorry. I'm sorry my energy isn't always up to speed. Gosh my heart hurts. Your notes to me are so special, I don't deserve your love for me. You are so fancy, love frills, lace, skirts... anything girly. Yet you are amazing at building things, puzzles. You re so creative Lou- you are passionate and determined like your Mama,<br />
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-22139750815745670212017-02-13T20:47:00.003-08:002017-02-13T20:47:36.129-08:00Simplistic Dinners<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3apq7g38q3kw2yn3fx4bojii-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/groceries-750x500.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://3apq7g38q3kw2yn3fx4bojii-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/groceries-750x500.jpeg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo credit:simplemost.com</td></tr>
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The purpose of a family dinner is to bring people, who happen, too be related,together. I was blessed with probably close to five full months of meals provided for our family, during the acute stages of my recovery. The meals were fantastic! They blessed us and nurtured our hearts and souls as we gave thanks to God for friends and family who sacrificially gave up their time and money to sign up and bring us a meal.<br />
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After the meals waned, for a few weeks, I gave birth to <a href="http://spilledmilkandwetkisses.blogspot.com/2012/11/baby-zeke-has-arrived-last-24-hours-in.html" target="_blank">Ezekiel birth</a>.. then they started up again :) God bless those who love to make enchiladas and lasagna !!!<br />
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The meals tapered and Krista, my sister in love, assumed that full time role, grocery shopping, meal prepping, preparing, the works. She went from making dinner for one to seven hungry humans. I resented every ounce of her role in that interim.. but she had no choice... we had to eat! I resented her in that position because not was a daily reminder of what I could no longer do, and it hurt.<br />
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After eight months post stroke I was given permission, under supervision, to make my first meal of spaghetti and meatballs. Because I could no longer multi task. The meal looked like this:<br />
1. Boil water<br />
....sit and wait<br />
2. Ask for help to drain the water<br />
...sit and wait<br />
3. Ask for help to open spaghetti jars<br />
...sit and wait for help<br />
4. mix sauce, ask for help to hold the pot , so it did not slide all over the stove top<br />
5. Ask for help to open meatball package ( I had no flexible thinking which stopped me from problem solving anything).<br />
6. preheat oven<br />
sit and wait<br />
7. put meatballs in oven<br />
sit and wait<br />
8. mix meatballs in pot, again ask for help<br />
9. mix in Cesear Salad into a bowl<br />
10. eat- the kitchen had an explosion in it- why was I trying to do this again?<br />
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For months , I attempted one meal a week. Eat and every time it was a painstaking issue.<br />
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Almost two years post stroke, I moved up to four meals a week they were planned with the assistance of my speed therapist. I was improving! My occupational therapist oversaw my grocery shopping ventures.. my frugal ways never let me....Ha! I knew a good sale when I saw it, pre stoke and post stroke!!!!<br />
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By, June 2014..I transitioned from 4 meals to seven meals AND independent grocery shopping. I would wheel my faithful double stroller to the grocery store and feel giddy knowing I was all alone , shopping for non other than FRUIT, MEAT, VEGGIES, AND TOILETRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
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Due to the days being filled with therapy. I would trot off to Frys with the stroller at night, park it, shop, push my stroller home and unload happy as a clam to once again reclaim an area they didn't know if I would ever regain. Thank you Jesus!<br />
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Krista painstakingly researched and adopted countless recipes for me to use, i.e.: Frys and Walmart, in their freezer section have cut up onions!!!!!! If the recipe called for chicken, we would use canned chicken. have the most amazing can opener and lid openers and adaptive cutting boards! I have come so far, my kitchen is so orderly and clean now and I can multi task now :)<br />
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We eat dinner nightly together, we are thankful not because I am a master chef (because Lord knows I am not. ) Most nights our meals are loud, things spill,the dog begs for food, and they are chaotic. The point is, we take the time to "family"... and we do it together with no help! Chrish the small, seemingly unimportant moments... because when they are taken from you, your heart will obsess about those simple times you had.<span id="goog_1841177842"></span><span id="goog_1841177843"></span><br />
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<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-62330983866759055332017-02-13T13:56:00.002-08:002017-02-13T14:23:44.649-08:00Am I Enough?<span style="font-size: large;"> My identity was shaken to the core after the stroke. I lost the "me" of who I knew I was. Trying to redefine myself in this hard knocks life after burying and mourning my former self; was so incredibly difficult and sad. I hate talking about that part of my stroke recovery because it brings me back to such ugly demons. Due to the severity of my stroke, Right hemi middle cerebral artery infarct( for those of who medically minded individuals), and the challenge of raising four very small needy, humans AND growing an even smaller and even more needier human being in my womb. I had my sister in law move in full time to "mother" my children 2,4,6, & 8. The level of noise would cause me to vomit, become irritable, unable to care for the four, and the need to sequester myself in my room -alone. A far cry from my <a href="http://spilledmilkandwetkisses.blogspot.com/2011/08/day-and-life-of-sahhm-stay-at-home.html" target="_blank">former life</a>. Krista, my sister in law, cooked all our meals, changed all the diapers, broke up all the squabbles, did the laundry, car pooled met kids to bday parties, acted as a mediator to two very hurting humans ( my husband and I), and slept on a futon for over two years-now if that doesn't speak sacrifice, I think we will be receiving her chiro bills for her lifetime :)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Where do I fit? Everyone moved at lightning speed around me, I couldn't stand for more than 15 seconds without getting winded and an adult chaperone nearby. No one needed me for making them a meal, unloading a dishwasher, driving them to a library class, homeschooling, playing games(my brain could nor comprehend basic instructions and if I tried too her I would vomit). I was unable to schedule a dentist appointment, could not swing the kids as the park, my husband held my hand as I shakily went around a teeny, itsy, bitsy , neighborhood square(did i mention it was tiny (pre stroke I worked out hardcore DAILY)).</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm useless; I felt on more than one occasion. Ben and I cried daily at our broken, shattered lives, to have and to hold was a little more difficult now... we were 29 and 30.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I remember the joy I felt when the kids sat on my lap, hugged me, said "I love you." After returning home, my voice was a whisper bc of paralyzed vocal chords and totally flat.. but it took all the strength in me to read my four year old a story... and you know what?! We both cried together... bc she saw me as valuable as her strong Mama who fought to come back home and love on her. I sobbed. I have value not in what I do but in who I am to God, Ben, and the 5 small humans who call me "Mama"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">They have never asked me why I never unloaded the dishwasher for months, but the oldest one recalls the fear and uncertainty of my time in the hospital.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This life that God gave me, that Satan tried to destroy. Will be a living testimony to how great my God is- I didn't say it would always be beautiful... but what satan meant for evil, God can turn to good!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirJeu8lmAYzslqQGi10l2bP8Wx3mAQzyQOLUrX5PKni-hm4o4WX7QPGcfOVflVfv_lLZupdMJ9boq8YPMsWOcljYTZ6yw160tydKGxFNE3M1XVWIisEt_DTmIIR_ZprPHR1PzUVf38t6Nt/s1600/Copy+of+Phoenix%252C+2012+002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirJeu8lmAYzslqQGi10l2bP8Wx3mAQzyQOLUrX5PKni-hm4o4WX7QPGcfOVflVfv_lLZupdMJ9boq8YPMsWOcljYTZ6yw160tydKGxFNE3M1XVWIisEt_DTmIIR_ZprPHR1PzUVf38t6Nt/s400/Copy+of+Phoenix%252C+2012+002.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">first day home</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf9vmQ7KLwy7X1B9MRXxNFOL8CTIvQ9PD5nZKyKo3K8Af1e6znieqsC-SsX2DbtmzeG6cB9wMKFZVcJU0OqOa8EMeK8icgZ63ezdFfvmnVu8YmmBFewIIIc57JuJlVdPO-YaSKKvX7w4OL/s1600/DSC06760.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf9vmQ7KLwy7X1B9MRXxNFOL8CTIvQ9PD5nZKyKo3K8Af1e6znieqsC-SsX2DbtmzeG6cB9wMKFZVcJU0OqOa8EMeK8icgZ63ezdFfvmnVu8YmmBFewIIIc57JuJlVdPO-YaSKKvX7w4OL/s400/DSC06760.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jayden;s 8th bday party, day before</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYUN7Vx7C-PcNfOcW5nkKx0xX4posgIDlFEuyOM0WFkhCx23hfpLpylAOuB1MJ7C70p_BYSG-4-3BeVvBkJkeepvrlnivz4xM2enIy91AwGI26sKAZTULFQ2UcE_g4d-eMObbKlS3Hsq81/s1600/IMG_0190.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYUN7Vx7C-PcNfOcW5nkKx0xX4posgIDlFEuyOM0WFkhCx23hfpLpylAOuB1MJ7C70p_BYSG-4-3BeVvBkJkeepvrlnivz4xM2enIy91AwGI26sKAZTULFQ2UcE_g4d-eMObbKlS3Hsq81/s400/IMG_0190.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lunar eclipse</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">kids sleeping in our bedroom to be close to Daddy</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">couldn't stand, 13 weeks pregnant, couldn't lift my head</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">my sweet friend Stefanie loved on my kiddos the day after the stroke</td></tr>
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-91128861531920461452017-02-12T20:18:00.002-08:002017-02-13T12:53:23.209-08:00Simple Christmas 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We are a little over a month back from another non stop six days, 2100 miles of adventuring, adulting, parenting, laughing, bickering, falling, and playing, This was such a great trip again! The kids did great. My youngest hiked 4.2 miles over boulders on Devil's Hall at Guadalupe Mountain National Park. He was literally a mountain goat. I, on the other hand somehow managed to fall gracefully face first onto a boulder spraining my pinkie so badly. "Now you see me, now you don't."</div>
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We rented sleds and sled down gypsum at White Sands National Monument! Hiked over boulders at the very cold and windy Guadalupe National Park, descended 750 feet below the surface of the Earth and explored Carlsbad Caverns, Explored Kilbourne Hole in the middle of no where- driving for hours down deserted dirt road to see a crater in the ground created by a volcanic explosion, hiked Organ Mountains National Mountain, Franklin State Park, and Hueco Tanks State Park and then home!</div>
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There was tons of games played, Mariachi bands in Las Cruces, laughing about my fall, more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches than I care to remember, high quality gas station coffee, the alphabet game, I spy... oh and we slept too :) </div>
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<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-91800309000221835262017-02-12T19:52:00.000-08:002017-02-12T19:52:25.635-08:00Simple Christmas 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I am so indebted to the National Parks Service.... because something like a stroke means disabled to them? I dunno ??? For my family, this is awesome because we now have access into EVERY SINGLE PARK, MONUMENT, MEMORIAL FOR FREE-LIFE TIME. </div>
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WE will take advantage of this fully. I have so much fun planning exotic national park trips for my family. One way this in accomplished is via Christmas. Now that I can no longer homeschool, sadness, we are regulated by the traditional school schedule. Thankfully, we receive three weeks off and take a week, in lieu of presents, go on a fun- filled, historical, geological,road school to the max, and outdoorsy trip... With tons of family fun :) My children "never" bicker just look at their smiling faces on my highlight reel :) </div>
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My point is, after the stroke, my family clung onto memories of our <a href="http://spilledmilkandwetkisses.blogspot.com/2010/11/just-few-of-over-500-pictures-we-took.html" target="_blank">Oregon trip</a>. We realized that making memories and family time was what we desired to cultivate. When I started to think back over my life... I could not remember what I received for any particular Christmas, but I could recite to you the Florida trip taken with my grandparents! </div>
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After 21 months of intense therapy to try and regain so much that was lost in 5 seconds,<a href="http://spilledmilkandwetkisses.blogspot.com/2012/06/stroke-has-nothing-to-do-with-me-but-to.html" target="_blank">Stroke recovery</a> I am typing this with my right hand (no, I am not fully recovered). I wanted to regain the years I lost with my kids... So out of that came my idea to trade of gifts with a trip! I though the idea sounded awesome... but how to convince the natives could be so much harder... Thankfully, they were semi-excited and apprehensive with our new idea! Fast forward, they LOVED the trip and asked if we could do this again next year!!!! </div>
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Our 2015 Xmas destination were as follows:</div>
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LAKE MEAD NRA</div>
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DEATH VALLEY</div>
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VALLEY OF FIRE STATE PARK</div>
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ZION NATIONAL PARK</div>
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RESORT IN LAS VEGAS!</div>
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<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-86711103582598696642017-02-12T12:49:00.001-08:002017-02-12T13:04:12.165-08:00Simplicity After Surviving A Massive Stroke I have taken a huge, unintended break from my blog. .Left hand paralysis....can make wanting to type a pain in the hinnie. Yet, I feel I need to give this a try again. So, please bear with me... After my stroke which the five year anniversary is this May!!!!! We stopped all extra curricular activities as my therapy took up ALL our time.<br />
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WE went into survival mode and to some extent, still abide there. The kids' lives are so busy with school parties, projects, and once a week clubs, i can become very overwhelmed with the amount of commitment that needs to come from me. I feel like I have x amount of energy and creativity to give my family.... but not much is left over for anyone else or anything.<br />
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I would like to think of myself as the star "room" mom, But honestly, that's not my goal.. I'm trying hard enough to be just a "star" actual Mom. What that means is we have dinner, school on time, lunches made, uniforms clean. I know not incredibly glamorous... but it'll do. I have learned a perfect word since having the stroke... ready????!!!<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><u><br /></u></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><u>"NO"</u></span></b></div>
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NO, I cannot fill in<br />
No "I cannot bake a thousand cupcakes<br />
No, I cannot drive for a field trip (b/c really I can't... it really is a no)<br />
No, we cannot make five commitments on one Saturday<br />
No, we are not participating in a fundraiser<br />
No, I cannot volunteer at church<br />
No, we are not buying our kids a million presents for Christmas<br />
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Any mama out there, understand where I am coming from? I cannot be everything to all human groups and I refuse. My executive functioning was really affected in the stroke...it has come back a lot!!!!! I am keenly aware of riding the over stimulant line. I thrive with organization, a plan, and tranquility.<br />
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Well there it is my first blog post back from 2015. It's a new day!<br />
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<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-42546227644553549462015-06-03T07:56:00.001-07:002015-06-03T08:27:09.985-07:00Family time<div style="text-align: justify;">
I cringe at blogging now, due to the fact that I type everything with one hand( kinda takes the fun out of it).Yet, its been a year since my last post and this past week has been so amazing. WE ventured up north as a single unit family, I organized, packed, planned all the meals 90% of the trip.Ben did 100% of the driving, which included owe 1000 miles-so great job baby!</div>
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We accomplished milestones as a family that were told to us-would never happen. Charging up the steep 300ft accent at Lennox Crater, praising God in my heart-was the most amazing feeling. Improvising applesauce and popcorn for breakfast because I planned the meals so well-and we were running out of food, was another great feeling.</div>
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Listening to Jay talk about "those teens", Zeke slipping off the side of a ledge- doing somersaults, lovely makeshift gas station coffee when my beloved Starbucks was 50+ miles away. Ben and his energy drinks, the ideology that Ben and his siblings were "angels" on road trips.</div>
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Laughing as a family, moving beyond survival and living as an independent family unit. I woke up on night at midnight with the bed shaking because Ben was laughing so hard at the replaying of Zeke falling and Jay stating how I could get into the national parks free due to my "permanent disability"-thank you Jay but save my dignity 'I'll pay the $5!</div>
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My freak outs at the Grand Canyon as I envisioned my precious little friends careening off the sides of the canyon. The overstimulation of the hordes of Asians and Hannah wanting me to play" I spy with my own little eye"-I'm like chica I can barley keep track of you and Zeke darting like wild antelope around me. I am not playing eye spy or simon says or anything else that will distract me from getting us out of here in tact. Ben grumbling about all the selfie sticks( I'm ready to grab those and chuck them into the canyon ) and being upset that our 11 year olds pics of us were less than adequate- Haha- family if your reading this get him a selfie stick for Christmas :)</div>
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Three years ago, i was still in the hospital- still a fall risk , unable to concentrate on anyone or anything for an extended period of time, two years ago in full time therapy daily trips into Phoenix -one of my lowest point. Last year, still in therapy :(Yet I did it all to fight back to my role as a wife and mama to the most amazing six people in my life! I never felt do much despair and depression in my life than I have over the past three years. Yet this past week was God's reminder if he calls you to it, He will call you through it. I am reminded of a song by Jesus Culture"rooftops"The truth is, I should be wheel chair bound, no unsupervised time with my kids, unable to plan a vacation, divorced. That was the future we were looking at.. but God!I fought, Ben fought, Krista fought and millions of others through prayer fought for us on our behalf.. so please, allow me to rejoice in God's goodness. is life perfect, ahem no, is God faithful yes.</div>
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Our first day I had a list of all theses amazing "kid friendly "(friendly if your kids are mountain lions, mini hercules, not if you have average run of the mill kids) hikes on was in a cave with an average year round temperature of 34 degrees, no problem our tribe of 7, with 90% of us under the age of 11, we arrived with sweatshirts, a flashlight, cameras in preparation for our adventure. As we arrived at the entrance a group was emerging with helmets, headlights and coats and Ben looked at me and I looked at him and decided we were a bit too over ambitious, so he took the boys into the icy cave with chalastophibic, low ceilings and I chased the little three up top -- while Hannah decided to throw a fit, and Zeke kept wanting to venture down- it was chaos. That is where my life is at right now, chaos, flexibility, tantrums, complaining, cries, etc. I am so thankful to be here living this insane life with them.</div>
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The beauty of this country is overwhelming Walnut Canyon, Sunset Cater, Petrified Forest,and the GRAnd Canyon.Ok, if i can figure out how to connect Ben's camera to the computer I will post some amazing pictures!</div>
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I tried, I failed, ?I am terrible at technology-will update when Ben wakes up... pics to come.. this is my very long, bet attempt at one handed blogging-frustrating yes </div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-75245759327128073432014-06-08T11:28:00.001-07:002014-06-08T11:36:48.325-07:00Glow Sticks at Night <br />
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So, Ive done a terrible job updating my blog over the past two years. I feel really bad about that. For the past couple of nights, the boys and I have gone outside and played games with glow sticks, hid them around the yard, under the pool, in cracks in the fence.We search all over the yard in the warm"spring " night with the moon shining brightly down on us. Jay runs around the yard with a glow hat on, laughing care free. I truly enjoy the boys getting older.<br />
Now we can do fun stuff like staying up later. Jayden is ten, up to my shoulders, a leader, he has funny sense of humor-very dry. Which cracks me up. Austen is very much the one I can rely on to fix problems, fix if something is broken.<br />
In the col of the night, I reflect on how special these moments are . Our lives have been in upheaval and stressful for so long. It feels so refreshing to be able to let down these past few evenings.Laying on the grass, locating the big dipper the stars. Glow sticks are $1 at target- cheap fun. It doesn't take much just your time. I have learned so much these past two years, and I'm still learning.I have the best seven person team in the universe. We have been through so much together that has made us stronger.<br />
God is faithful, time is precious and limited. Make the most of it, go out and have glow stick nights.<br />
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-66926699425674755402013-12-29T20:07:00.000-08:002013-12-29T20:10:19.275-08:00Presenting Amazing Austen and Genius Jayden... We had so much fun buying the kids Christmas presents this year,It was the first year that Ben and i did it together and I am so thankful for my kids ' imaginations....In this day and age, its def, something that needs to be cultivated. With their gifts they both had asked for a magic kit with over 100 tricks in it and we were so excited to give it to them.They opened it and were jumping up and down with excitement They both have their own amazing black hats. Austen is the assistant, per Jayden and Riah is the apprentice. I love how they study the trick book and carry it everywhere , wowing us with their mind blowing tricks:)<br />
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Today was an amazing day with them. I had 5 hours of unsupervised time with the 3 oldest, we cleaned their bedrooms, played veterinarian.. thanks to my awesome mother in law who made an absolutely amazing doctor kit for the kids for Christmas, with felt band aids, stethoscopes, scrubs, doctor ids, laminated rx forms, medical info forms.We had so much fun pretending . Have I mentioned how much I love them??? We then went outsides and had a picnic, and a magic show of course. It was a gorgeous 68.I read " Caps for Sale" and " Stone Soup" which my mil made felt props to go with both of them.. So much fun!!!!!We then ended our time withhot cocoa in the living room watching Robin Hood together . Here are some life parenting lessons, I have thought about today:<br />
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1. If you are going to have hot cocoa fill the mug to overflowing with marshmallows<br />
2. Look with bewilderment at your children's tricks, even if you know how its done<br />
3. Hug them often<br />
4. Be patient, they are still learning<br />
5. Slow down and role play with them, they love it when you play with them<br />
6. Cultivate their imaginations, don't rely on tablets , video games , get them way from the screen or limit them<br />
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<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-85934975313372271282013-12-29T19:47:00.002-08:002013-12-29T19:47:44.119-08:00Toddlers and Tiaras My three-year old is obsessed, nay I say consumed with "dress up " lately. If you stop over at any given moment she will be donning rubber boots, three tutus and asking if she looks like a princess. Yes, Hannah you do.. but princesses never toot and laugh about it at the table. Her sweet little nose is always dirty. Not sure why. I am in love with her high pitch singing of "hark the herald angels sing" and her and ad-libbing when she doesn't know the words. Her hair is long and radiantly blonde( I pays a lot of money for that look), and bouncy. She has the sweetest disposition unlike the girls on the TLC show.Although, she can erupt without a moments notice over wanting to wear a dress on a hike. Many times, she tries to be helpful but it ends creating more mess than needed. One time she wanted to hold the dust pan for me, and paraded right through the dirt pile spreading dirt everywhere. The other day, she was going to the bathroom with her rubber boots o as well as her tutus and I wish i had my camera right then. Sweetest thing ever.She always has a baby tucked in her tutu and enjoys being with child. Her prayers are lightning fast, high pitched and profound. I am so thankful for my Lou. Her love of life brings such joy to me.<br />
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-44922227763298799692013-11-14T19:51:00.001-08:002013-11-14T19:51:50.845-08:00So Scared A year ago, i went into labor with Ezekiel Asher Benjamin. I was scared, terrified of how to care for an infant, when I could barely care for myself. This was the longest, hardest year of my life. I couldn't problem solve him do to the stroke. I cried myself to sleep most nights, with a screaming newborn next to me.I tried to nurse him,change him, dress him, support his neck with one arm. It was incredibly hard . I gave Krista more peep shows than she probably ever cared to see :)Just keeping it real. So many times, Ben and I would question whether God cared or listened to us. I figured He creed nothing about us. I felt alone, afraid and defeated, discouraged...and I had a new life to care for. I had no idea how to care for Zeke post stroke.<br />
In labor, I was afraid of getting the epidural due to my blood thinners, I didn't want any bleeding in my spine. So, I was going to try to do it natural, but my blood pressure started to get too high. I gave birth to a beautiful, smooshed, World changer amidst so much pain and fear. I stared at his little life, I couldn't believe that God preserved him through the whole stroke, through multiple x rays, morphine, mri, and ct scans, not able to walk, sit, hold my neck up, move my left arm. He was perfect, just like God's never ending love for me.<br />
God is close to there broken hearted. He proved himself so faithful through this past year, he helped me to nurse for six months. He also gave us Krista, who did more for all of us than I could ever repay. Most Mondays, we would get up early scrambling around to get ready for speech therapy. I would pump for many many bottles for Zeke to drink while i was at therapy and six hour neuro psych testing.. Every second we would lay him down to try and get ready,make lunch for the other four and he would wake up and cry. It tore my heart apart to constantly have to leave him for multiple therapies and I felt so alone.<br />
I needed God's strength, yet I felt weak. Day after day, week after week. Looking back I can see God's grace, peace and strength. He truly never left us even in our darkest most despairing hour. I never imagined ending my family this way.Yet, even more i can never imagine my life without Christ and Ezekiel. They both have forever impacted my life in life changing ways. . Never will I leave you nor nor for sake you. Ezekiel means " Jehovah will strengthen", not may or possibly..but WILL!!!!<br />
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I cried out to God to help us, he gave us Krista who started getting up with Zeke once i started CTN just so I could get a complete night's sleep for a day of therapy the next.I cannot sugar coat this past year it was difficult, lonely and terrifying..yet, my faith in God is so deep.I did not look forward to my pregnancy for the majority . Now I am head over heels in love with my little walker, his beautiful smile and laugh, his peacemaker's heart , his wavy blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes. Yes, God carried us through this past year, Ezekiel I love you so much, I am thankful for your life. You bless me, your babbles are beautiful .<br />
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-43854173791628025112013-09-05T20:06:00.001-07:002013-09-05T20:15:24.326-07:00Pudgy Feet, Tousled Hair <br />
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I love the way Hanns walks silently down the stairs after her nap, two fingers in her mouth; blanket swung over her shoulder a sweet smile on her face. I just want to remember her sweet personality. When my cab comes in the morning, she calls it my "tattoo"(therapy). Last Saturday, I was just waking up from a nap and so was she ..instead of going downstairs she raids the game closet and quietly knocks on my door and asks me, pulling her fingers out of her mouth, if I will play a game with her???Absolutely!I live for these moments.I am thankful, i am alive for these moments. They are precious! <br />
So, we sat down on the floor and I teach her about turn taking, being selfless, following rules, all while having fun.I love my role as a mama !!!!<br />
I kiss her soft, tousled hair and it smells so sweet, and hug her little bod, thanking God for the opportunity and privilege to raise her.Everywhere she goes she sings bible songs...she is constantly requesting it. "Twoseys,twoseys".<br />
Tonight, we played orphanage with all the girls' dolls and pets and comforted our crying babies, read them the bible, gave kisses.<br />
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Yes,I am gone all day but when I a home,I am present for the life that I have been blessed with.Girls, your Mama is a fighter, her strength comes from God, yes the journey is long, but I breathe in and out fighting to return to you. Never question my love for you, it is deep, never ending, I've gone to hell and back for you...I will not give up, by God's grace I will not stop smelling your sweet, tousled blonde hair, pudgy toddler feet, and teaching you how to care and comfort your future families .Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-87753529632170126742013-08-20T20:15:00.001-07:002013-08-21T06:56:14.273-07:00How to Make the Most of Long Car rides? I am someone who cannot stand doing sitting and doing nothing...So, I look for ways to enrich my life in any way I can, by way of...audio books!!! I take a cab into CTN everyday with a 40 min. car ride to and from with the Paul, my driver who is an aspiring pastor( no joke) and listens to sermons the entire way.I have discovered the Phoenix Electronic library , and I now pass the time with my headphones in and go on many different adventures . Right now, I am listening to The Magicians Nephew, A Christmas Carol, The Tale of Desperaux, MrPopper's penguins,A Secret Garden....I am loving it with all my homework through my rehab program.. I don't have time to read classics...so I listen now<br />
I sit and watch people talk on their cell phones, pick their noses(when they think no one is looking ), I smile smugly to myself at the horror they would feel if the knew that I sat silently in the next car over observing their secretive habit, hidden obscurely behind a black veil of tinted windows , with my headphones on , seemingly unengaged with the world around me. Yet, I am keenly aware of the world that surrounds me as I travel down the highway at rush hour . After three months of traveling via cab, I have only recently come to realize the enjoyment of an electronic library ...I finished Sign of the Beaver last week!!!!So by the time I'm done with this program next year, who knows how many books I'll have"read", or noses I watched picked??Time will tell, it's how i keep life interesting :)<br />
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-31266149441822482992013-08-05T20:51:00.003-07:002013-08-05T20:52:11.507-07:00New Experiences Can Sometimes Hurt <br />
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Tonight,I made lunches for three of my kids for their first day of school tomorrow.My heart hurts, badly .I know they will have a great day...my heart will be breaking . I will miss them, like I do each and every day.Ye,t I know they will learn, flourish, make new friends and have great year. I love them so much.It's hard to believe the 3/5 of my kids are now in full time school age. People who don't home educate, have no clue the joy found in having your children home with you. The time is precious...I wrote them each a note with some cute little jokes on the back..I miss them already and cannot wait to hear all about their great day,but wow, life can really hurt.I pray that someday my mourning will turn into rejoicing with tears of joy at all that God has restored to our family...I know he is working!Just like the Israelites when they were stuck up against the Red Sea with no place to turn...BUT GOD...He always come through...never in a million years would I have believed you if could have told me what the past 14.5 months of our life would have consisted of. I feel like i keep getting pushed back , yet iI stand up and fight harder.. for what was stolen from me, my family.Yet, the tears never stop falling, sometimes.I feel my eyes are like windshields in a hurricane, where I can see not more the one inch in front of me, yet, I keep driving because I know home is near.I love you Jayden,Austen, and Moriah..I a, so sorryMama's recovery is taking so long...I a so blessed to be your Mama. I need nothing more in life...except to be a fully restored family.Please keep praying.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-84158124693738876462013-08-02T21:02:00.003-07:002013-08-02T21:03:42.057-07:00Memories From Today<br />
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*Dancing on bubble wrap with the kids in the garage and laughing<br />
*coloring with glitter chalk in the cool of the morning<br />
*Eating popcorn,playing many games Jayden and Austen messing up Clue(so funny) with the boys while we have our unsupervised time together<br />
* watching hundreds of bubbles float out of a bubble maker, watching the kids running and screeching and smiling after each other in the driveway (Hannah's dirty, black feet)<br />
*making a canned snowman with the boys during my speech therapy home visit<br />
*turkey burgers on a tablecloth in the living room, watching Cinderella<br />
*Asking Hannah how old she is<br />
Me:" Are you three?"<br />
Hanns: "Um, I not three anymore."<br />
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<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-47798402938949538242013-07-30T15:16:00.001-07:002013-08-02T21:04:00.358-07:00Summer Fun!What comes to mind when you think of summer time treats?Poppsicles, tart lemonade pie,peanut butter pie, or how about snow cones?! Ice cold goodness, sweet , flavorful and colorful. During these hot summer evenings post dinner we have been making snow cones with my pampered chef shaved ice maker. The recipe is super simple:<br />
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1c water<br />
2csugar...we used one<br />
4tsp koolaid<br />
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Bring water and sugar to a boil, remove from heat , then add kool aid , cool in cute glass containers until ready for dessert,<br />
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The kids love taking turns , turning their ice into shreds..it us such a sweet refreshing dessert that is really cheap and easy to make.<br />
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This summer Aunt Krista has also constructed an elaborate tape highway on the ground of our dining room. The kids imagined for hours with their barn, airport and Legos. Also, we have been busy over here in the Ippel home this summer making homemade play dough with kids and an instant bakery was constructed. I love their active imaginations!Reading stories, watching afv together and movies, the aquatic center is a blast as well...yes, Santa we have stayed busy this summer as the kids transition to their new school next week. I am excited or he things God will be doing in their hearts over his next year. I will miss home schooling them for second year ,but I need to concentrate on therapy now so I can be the best wife nd Moama to them in the future. I know that this school is the tbest place for them this next year.<span id="goog_763438032"></span><br />
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<span id="goog_763438031"></span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-6162217701723938602013-07-29T20:48:00.002-07:002013-08-02T21:04:23.022-07:00Take Time <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo credit</td></tr>
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Take time to play, create. imagine, pretend, listen, encourage, love because life slips between our fingers like sand on a beach and you cannot grasp it all...Your children need you present in their lives, focused, attentive. Playing barbies with them today translates to deep talks in their teens, listening to their latest victory on a star wars videos game translates to opening their heart when it is hurting.<br />
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Being a mom is so beautiful, if we only take the time to enjoy, take in thew noise because someday it will be silent.I am thankful for my calling it is so much pressure am I good enough at setting a godly example ?answer no. Yet, through a lot of trial end error and failures I'm trying to find who God desires for me to be..hardest thing ever.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-52501933203946358302013-07-22T21:22:00.000-07:002013-08-02T21:04:42.694-07:00Happy Birthday Everyone!!!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Austen 7</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">love her shirt and expression</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jay is 9!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Riah 5</td></tr>
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<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200527717332604199.post-30361098551681598732013-07-22T15:32:00.000-07:002013-08-02T21:05:03.471-07:00Patience Is Not For the Faint of Heart<br />
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I have had to learn a lot about patience over the past fourteen months. Many times it's been incredibly hard to feel as life is passing me by.Yet, God knows what he is doing and I need to trust him..his timing is better than mine ever will be. The three oldest start school in three weeks....I still can't believe it;,I continue to pray that I can be able to home school them again next year with the right tools to make our life more efficient, well planned,organized. I cannot explain how terrible I feel sometimes when I leave them to go to therapy.I miss them, their smiles, stories,laughter, screeches,jokes, everything I miss!<br />
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I am convinced, the calling of wife and a mama is one of the highest callings,I could have ever been given. I am so thankful for the opportunity to invest in my family .Just right now it doesn't look the same as it will.So, I wait patiently to return to being a full time stay at home mom. managing my home with ease.I want to be able to look back on my life with my family and say I gave it everything in me to be a good example ,not perfect....then,my life will have so much fulfillment .I fought hard and long for this family.I love my husband and children so very much .Thy are the best parts of my life and I am so blessed.I do not think I will ever say I wish i did more with my life..I will say with confidence, I gave it my all even when it was hard. I love listening to the boys talk about their interests...even though, I can find myself having a hard time focusing when a detail about Luke Skywalker gets brought up thirty times In one conversation, I treasure their bed time kisses even Moriah's hard ones where I need to brace myself for a very firm smothering of five year old love, Ezekiel's wet slobbery kisses,who needs a puppy when I have a baby who will put his bib in his mouth as a chew toy ?.?I sure as heck do not.<br />
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I continue to put one foot in front of the other, not knowing what the future holds.. But I trust God's plans for me are good and he will restore the years the locusts have destroyed ."JUst keep swimming, just keep swimming,swimming,swimming.."=DoryAmandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02628323821817171823noreply@blogger.com0