Water Balloon Choices

Monday was an interesting sort of day. There was so much damage control from the weekend with absolutely non-stop action and that can lend itself to a very overwhelming Monday. Monday is my blocked off day. I rarely try to schedule anything on that day besides school, working out and cleaning. 

The vacuum has been on its way out for a few years now but totally died 2 weeks ago. I could hardly stand not vacuuming so after my workout,and 1/2 our home cleaned, we headed to our local store to buy a new vacuum. That is kind of where the day started unraveling. Hannah is just all over the place. I can't remember quite having any child quite like this before. To be honest, I don't think I have. 

When I arrive at the store, I have a mission: ( i.e.: I had researched what type of vacuum I wanted prior to going to the store), I pile the kids out the car, " Hold hands, hold hands,", run in, locate item, retrieve, hustle to check out, pay and leave. My internal goal is 7 minutes or LESS. I try to always shoot for the less.

Shopping casually is not an option for me at the moment and its not enjoyable. Well, Austen reminded me that I told him I would buy him a notebook and we still had to get crickets. Good thing, both of those store are next to each other, bad thing, that is two more store encounters. It just began to feel more and more overwhelming and much was do to the huge mess still at home and the school that needed to be accomplished. 

We ran in, conquered and ran out. HOME finally. I put Hannah to bed, had the kids do quiet time and finished up downstairs. That's where I just felt so overwhelmed like, " How is this all going to happen?". I walked up stairs and the boys' room was a disaster. I could feel that tornado brewing in my head of everything piling on top of the other....where I was getting to the point where smiling was forced. The boys then asked, " Mama, could we do water balloons? The ones that look like grenades?" 

Come, Holy Spirit. I felt the Holy Spirit  nudging me and saying, " Go fill them up." We went downstairs and ended up filling up 30 balloons. As we stepped outside the stress of the day started falling off of me and we laughed, smiled, chased, ran, and became soaked. 

Have you ever had to make "water balloon" choices? They are not easy to make. They take a lot of restraint and force us to decide what our attitude is going to be like, what atmosphere are we going to set for our family and our home. I'm thankful for the Holy Spirit. I'm thankful that I chose to not stay in my feelings of "whirlwind" and to remove myself and enjoy my children. We are faced with choices each day-  next time you are feeling out of control, life is crushing down on you, school is not happening the way you thought, your house is a disaster, dinner is burnt, etc. Pick up a " water balloon", throw it and laugh. You'll be glad you did, and the Holy Spirit will be able to mold your hearts to his because you were able to remove yourself from your immediate circumstance. This doesn't mean your circumstances or situations go away, it just means you are choosing to walk through it with a Christ like attitude. 

15 Bean Sociology?

Tonight I made 15 bean soup and it smelled amazing and tasted amazing but that is not what was so sweet. Jayden, amidst commenting on how much he LOVES beans, looked up and held a bean in his hand. " Mama, this soup is just like the world. They all have one creator, are made up of the same type of things but look different on the outside, just like all of us."

Amazing Jayden, I paid a lot of money to learn what you stated with a $1.67 -2 lb bag of beans. So, next time you are eating 15 bean soup, remember- " God made you special, and He loves you very much"

I Hope They Don't Smash Our Van!

Ahh yes, will it ever end? I mean seriously I am getting pretty sick of putting money into our cars. Yes, it is still THOUSANDS less than buying a new car but it is so inconvenient and never happens at a good time. Today, after a month of my wheel constantly locking up and us praying in the spirit for it to unlock each and Every time...the wheel would not unlock at all, today.

I only had a valentines party for the kids to get to that was 20 some miles away and we had planned on going as a family. Now, plans changed. Ben ended up staying with Miss Hannah Lou who stripped off a dirty diaper, left it on the floor and was found dancing on the computer box. Keep the party rollin' Hanns.

The rest of us, on the other hand, crammed into the civic and drove down in the heart of the land. I had made sure our valentines cards, 24 per child, were signed and stickered the night before. My grocery list, coupons and meal list was prepared the night before, the Bingo games were set out the night before. Yet, this minor inconvenience of my van threw the whole morning off.

Life seems to do that, to us, a lot. I was so frustrated but just by observing others as well as trying to self reflect and become more like Christ each day I chose to put my feelings aside and give God praise. This wasn't really easy to do when all of my expectations, as well as money, was out the window. Yet, on the way to the party the kids and I gave praise to God for who He is- God you are faithful, you are just, you are true, you are holy, you are loving, you are our refuge, our guard. Our spirits were lifted.

We needed to leave our party early in anticipation that my van would be towed and fixed today. Yet, the tow man arrived, took one step inside my van, looked at Ben and I and stated, " I will need my mechanic to come out here and help me with this."

An hour later, the mechanic had torn apart my engine to get to the neutral button, whatever the heck that is, then they rolled it out of the odd shaped driveway, with a special mechanism, almost tipping it on its side, then scraping my front bumper on the ground, then almost tipping it again. I am serious! This was terrible to watch. Austen almost broke down in tears wondering if our trusty van was going to make it out there.

It did, we have yet to hear form the mechanic. We praying it is is a key lock cylinder. Let me tell you, you never wait to have kids or take vacations until you are "able". We will take them regardless because the opportunity will NEVER present itself otherwise.

Please pray that our vehicles, especially my trusty van, lasts another 5 years. I do not CARE what the outside looks like. I"m not into that "image". I just need a reliable family mobile that will get me and the kids from point A to point B with out much fuss.

We are saving, our next car will hopefully be almost new, low mileage and paid in cash...but for now, I am so content with my trusty '99 van. I do NOT want another one. So, here's to waiting for the dreaded phone call tomorrow. Ben and I expect the most expensive fix ( since that is what typically happens to us)....maybe we'll be surprised.

God is still faithful. I just need my van to be.

  Ps, does anyone else remove a car seat only to find that a months worth of crackers, fruit and snacks have been stored underneath and Ben found a black Costco hot dog hidden under the drivers seat...I had wondered where that beaut went and why my van smelled so rancid :)

Like A Thief In the Night

This past Sunday Jayden lost his brand new Awanas book. We searched high and low and could not locate it anywhere. The only places he has it is in the car and in the house. I'm sure it is around here somewhere but we have not been able to locate it.

Jayden was praying all over our home for the book and crying and it was really sad. I knew he was really worked up about missing it and part of me was a tad irritated that my reminding him, many times, to always put it back in his Awanas bag had gone unwarranted.

Ben came home from work and I was telling everyone to go get in the van but Ben wanted to look one more time so the six of us all crowded into the boys room and searched for the book. Ben was on his stomach looking under the bed and I was standing by the dresser near the boys' playmobil when a black object flew down in my peripheral vision.

I jerk my head to the side and there, in all her missing for three weeks glory was Sally Bonnie! All I could say in a shocked voice was, " OHMIGOSH BEN ITS SALLY BONNIE! ITS SALLY BONNIE" ( side note: just writing her name makes me smile :)). I could not believe that there, in the middle of a completely messy room, was Sally Bonnie. Who the heck knows where she came from or where she has been for THREE WEEKS! Yet, there she was. I ushered Austen, Moriah and Hannah out of the room, closed the door and showdown began.

Ben refers to Sally Bonnie has being "hell-bent" on getting out of her terrarium. So, to capture her when she probably was just dandy roaming free throughout the home was an oxymoron. Jayden moved slowly and cautiously towards her and missed her as she darted under the bed. Ben, shined his flashlight on Sally Bonnie and says, " Amanda, she's moving out your way, don't let her get away!". I see Sally Bonnie emerge from the depths of blankets and Thomas the Train tracks and try to hide in the playmobil castle. " Jayden! You will not hurt her, just grab her, you can do it, you can do it!!!!". Jayden moves in, more quickly this time and swoops her up by the tail.

She begins to bite him with her small teeth, which does not hurt by the way, and we maneuver her lid of the terrarium up and put her back in. She is home!!! Frisky and Sally Bonnie are reunited!!! I cannot tell you how much it did to the boys faith and the power of prayer to see their prayer answered.

I told the kids, back when we lost her, that sometimes God answers our prayers with a yes, no or not right now. I didn't know if she was coming back and I didn't want to give them false hope. However, I know that God hears the voices of his children. He seeks to grow their faith with small things so that they will see that yes,  my God is good and yes my God is faithful and yes my God hears me when I pray.

Praise God Sally Bonnie is home. She and Frisky seem so happy together and I am so thankful that she is a constant, visual reminder to the kids that God loves them! Still have not found the awana book, but out of no where, Sally Bonnie descended into the bedroom and lifted our hearts.

Let Go of Expectations

This past Christmas season has been wonderful for my family. We have pretty much done everything we wanted to do. Embraced Thanksgiving , Advent and Christmas as much as we possibly could and that is a far cry from last year. I really struggled with Christmas last year due to a couple of situations in our lives, at the time. However, this year I promised myself, and my family, that no matter what- our focus would be on Christ and family- for better or worse.

If you remember our polar express experience, not quite what we had anticipated, we now laugh about it and say that it was one of our most memorable and funniest moments of December. I have made about 18 dozen cookies, mailed zero Christmas cards, wrapped countless presents, enjoyed adopting a couple of families, sang Christmas carols, had the kids sing at a nursing home, listened to Christmas music, did our advent and bought a Christmas tree.

I did everything in my power to provide an ambiance of tranquility and peace for our home. Yet, somethings are out of our power. You cannot control family members getting sick ( Riah last night, Ben today) or other events that define or change that Christmas season. I think, so many times, we sit and wonder I wish I could have done this differently, or changed this.

This year, I have no regrets, I gave it my all and life happens. Next year, I will give it my all again. I love creating memories, Some are more abundant than others, depending on the year. Yet, in the midst of joy, laughter, sadness, loneliness, and anger- regardless of how you feel this Christmas season- Christ still came to take away the darkness. If you have nothing else worth celebrating today, celebrate this! If you need someone to pray for you, I will :)

I am so thankful for Christ and for his abundant grace in my life. This season has allowed me to give of myself, despite an ever changing tide of life and for that, I am grateful. As I pick up all the wrapping paper and put away a breakfast that Ben was not able to enjoy I am thankful that in serving I am doing exactly what Christ came to do! Merry Christmas!

All Aboard the Polar Express!

So we have arrived home from a very memorable 24 hours up north. Let me preface this all with the simple fact that I went into this weekend with very grand expectations- very grand, like if you could put a dollar amount on my expectations we would be talking in the millions.

We started off a little later than expected but that was not a big deal. Our Polar Express train ride did not take off until 5:30 that evening so we had plenty of time to drive up north, grab some Starbucks, some snacks and laugh our way up north . I ran into Walmart for a pair of boots, some chex mix and gloves while Ben drove through Starbucks for some breakfast sandwiches and mochas. He picked me up at the door and off we went. We shared with the kids what our plans were. " You guys! We are going up north, going to ride the Polar Express, drink hot cocoa, eat cookies, play in the snow, stay in a hotel, go out to eat....its going to be amazing!!!!!" The kids went wild in the van, clapping, cheering and bouncing up and down. I turned around in my seat, smiled at Ben with a very accomplished and expectant smile and settled in for a 3 hour, scenic drive up north. 

We had hardly exited the city when Hannah started screeching, " mama!mama!mama!" over and over and over. She refused to stop or to take a nap and for the next three hours- our quaint little drive was over taken with screeching, crying, and a short five minute nap where everyone in the car was warned with "the eyes" not to talk.

The scenery faded from saguaros to pines, from desert to snow covered mountains and it was breath taking. I looked at Ben and stated, " Honestly, there is NOTHING that can ruin this trip....we are all together, its perfect already."

We arrived up in Flagstaff around one o'clock. With no ability to check in early, we went to the local Walmart to try and locate some sleds to use the following day. Walking into the store, I should have known things were just not going to go quite as planned as Hannah refused to stop standing in her seat. Buckle or no buckle, the little chica looked at me with her beady eyes and a sweet smile while slowly crouching and standing. " No, Hannah sit!" She would sit and then the scenario would repeat itself. IF she wasn't trying to stand she was crying. Remember, no nap was had by Hannah Lou.

After we had located the sleds we were very disturbed that they were around $30 a piece and for such a short trip and the fact that we have no snow by us, spending that much money seemed like a waste. So we left Walmart, a tad frustrated. No fear, let's find "somewhere" else to go. Well, we began to aimlessly travel southeast- not quite the direction we should have been headed. So, we turn around and try to find our hotel. Somehow the roads are not quite matching up on Ben's GPS. Ok, now its 2:45pm and we located the hotel. Bonus, it was a great hotel, great price and very cool bunk-beds. The snow covered the ground and things appeared to be looking up. We needed to leave in an hour for the Polar Express so we turned the tv on and tried to relax for just a minute.

However, some 16 month old had other plans. Hannah located the Kleenexes in the hotel room and within seconds, all the while screeching, she throws them all over the room, then trips and falls and cuts her lip open. Ok, nothing we can't handle, just not quite the relaxing trip I had envisioned, thus far. No problem, things can only get better :) We leave for the Polar Express, its about 40 minutes away so we drive through a restaurant and are thankful that we didn't' have to search for the food. Off we head into the winter wonderland.

Outside, it was breathtaking. Snow covering the pine trees, stillness, and quiet- I almost wanted to jump out of the car and start making snow angels on the side of the road. Unfortunately, someone who felt that it would be much better to throw her roast beef sandwich around my van kept catching my attention.

We made it up to the Polar Express on time, checked in and truly enjoyed the waiting period before loading the train. The kids were playing in the snow, we took pictures by the train, the little "north pole" and were standing in line, in our pajamas ( well, the kids atleast) and ready for our first train ride! Right before loading, Hannah tripped over her blanket and added a scraped up face and fat lip to her already cut chin. Poor Lou! We marched up the steps, handed the chef our tickets and located our seats. They had us all sitting together except Ben, his seat was across the aisle. Sorry buddy, not getting off that easy :) We figured out  a way to have us all sit together as a family AND a quaint little family of three had ample room across the aisle from us now. You are very welcome!

Ok, so the chefs get on the microphone and start telling us, " no inside voices allowed, only outside ones- I want to hear you - are you excited??!??!?!?" Everyone starts cheering, I cheer- shoot let's enjoy this ride, Hannah is clapping and everything is going to go great! I mean, we paid a ton of money to have this experience. I was so excited for the cookies and hot cocoa they were to service, listening with the kids the book being read and even though my kids could careless about Santa, playing along for the evening that we were going to the North Pole was all pretty fun.

Hannah, however, had other plans. I mean shoot, she didn't pay for these tickets and I think she knew that her ride was free. She took every liberty upon herself to partake in the cheering and clapping and then, when that part was over she went berserk until the next cheering and clapping session came on. She wriggled, screamed, twisted, made her body limp, screeched and any other noise or body motion she could make to let the world, on that train, know that she was very unhappy and beyond exhausted. Due to her refusing to take a nap that whole day, I knew at that moment, we were in for a ride. I told Ben, " she has the wild eyes."

The chefs passed out the cookies, huge dry snickerdoodle cookies. Hannah grabbed mine, no problem I didn't want it anyways. But then Ben, to be so kind, gave me a sliver of his and Hannah now wanted a gigantic cookie in one hand and my sliver in the other. When she didn't get her way she screamed. Then, they passed out the hot cocoa. I was expecting thick, creamy hot cocoa with whip cream piled high and chocolate shavings in porcelain mugs. Umm, no, it was in a Styrofoam cup that tasted more of watery swiss miss than the hot cocoa described in the book.

NO problem, let's just keep a positive attitude. I loved watching the faces of our three older kids enjoying their cookies, the hot cocoa and watching out the window. That, now that, was priceless. Austen's smile was so sweet and excited, Jayden's look of amusement when the chef came by and asked us, " Do you believe?". Those were precious moments.

However, with the very bright lights and the screaming of Hannah and the screaming in the microphone of the Christmas carols that had everything to do with Rudolph and Santa totally did not meet my expectation. Later within that 24 hour period, Ben said to me ( which shows how much he knows me), " You were expecting a dimly lit train ride with a fire crackling in the back of the train, soft Christmas music playing, warm cookies and huge cups of cocoa, all quiet with only the sound of the train rumbling through the darkness." I'm like, " ohmigosh, you are exactly right!". The Polar Express was fun, it was exhausting due to Hannah, it was memorable and it was a once, and only once, in a lifetime experience for us :)

We enjoyed the ride back from the North Pole, despite Hannah screaming in anger. She tried to grab everything in reach, successfully grabbing a plastic cup full of water and crushing it in anger as all the water spilled on Jayden and I. Then, somehow, later in the trip, getting a hold of another cup and repeating the sequence again. Ohmigoodness! We unload off the train, find our car, all buckle in and Riah states, " I am going to pee my pants!!! ITS coming!" I whip around, " Moriah, seriously, hold it!"
" I can't! My brain says I can't!"

Thankfully, Ben maneuvered the car quite quickly, I might add, in front of the depot and I was able to unzip her coat, her footy pjs and have her go into the bathroom stall to do her business. She then successfully locked herself in ( with a million people waiting in line to use the restroom) and had to crawl out the bottom of the door as we left a perfectly good stall completely unusable. Lord, help me!

We drove home, Hannah fell asleep and Ben and I commented on how thankful we were that from the beginning we have always focused on Christ and not on Santa. It almost made sad when not one song in the carol songbook was Christ centered. I understand this was  the Polar Express but there was not " Oh Come All Ye Faithful" or "Silent Night" songs that would go perfectly with the Polar Express theme. Anyways, we arrive home and find that Hannahs' pack n play does not fit in the bathroom so she is almost beside herself with lack of sleep and we are trying every which way to get this thing to fit in and be able to close the door. Finally, Ben put a blanket up and we turned the fan on with her falling asleep immediately.

The problem now is that we have three more children who need to use the bathroom multiple times a night and we have a child sleeping in the bathroom. So, at midnight I carted a child to the main bathroom a building away. No problem. We will have fun! That night, around 1230, as I slowly drifted off to sleep I felt someone breathing on me and it was dear Moriah who wanted to cuddle. Sure, sure, well she moved the bed for the next there hours and around 3:30 am we both fell asleep. We woke up at 7:15 am.

Needless to say, it was a long night and morning came all too soon. We decided to make use of the continental breakfast, Hannah did great- all chipper and bright eyed. Maybe the fruit loops, yes I said fruit loops, had something to do with it. We packed up, drove south to an area that we have spent a couple of 4th of July's and knew that there was a park nearby. There was not enough snow to really go sledding at this point but it was 22 degrees and perfect to experience the cold and snow.

We arrive off the highway and were so excited! The golf course and park were almost untouched by small hands creating a perfect canvas for us to make some great memories. I looked at Ben and said, " Aww, I think this is it, I think this will be the icing on the cake- best moment of the trip." We drove past the park, Ben turned around to park next to it, drove a little to far down and we put the van in a ditch. Yes, I said ditch and we were 100 % stuck with only my tires spinning.

All this was so surreal to me. I had the park within 10 feet but we were all trapped inside a van which was stuck in a ditch and there was no sand around. I reversed ever so slowly as Ben rocked the van back and forth yet, nothing.  Finally, before calling a tow truck, Ben dug through the rock hard, frozen snow to the dirt below and began placing it behind the tires. Somehow, someway - probably through the prayers of a 5 and 7 year old, our van was able to get out of that ditch. Thank you God!

We then spent the next 25 minutes trying to outfit four children into snow gear from head to toe all while Hannah tried to crawl and maneuver around the van like she owned the place. The kids had  no clue how to wear all this gear, so we were shoving boots on, stuffing gloves on, accidentally zipping up chins, tears, Ben slamming his head into my van accidentally and denting it, and cries of frustration from gloves that fell off.

Finally, I manage to capture Hannah and I had just completed zipping her jacket up when a very rank smell came wafting out of her rear end. Sorry Lou-lou, you are playing in a dirty diaper. I stuffed her in a swing, gave her a kiss and swung my sweet, kind hearted, adventurous little soul.

All three boys had a snow ball fight with rock hard snow and Riah tried very hard to make a snow angel. The ground, again, was so hard that her body did not even sink in. Ten minutes into us playing, maybe a tad longer than that, Austen announced that he needed to go " stinkies". Ben and I both just stared at him in disbelief as there was no bathroom in sight. Soo, we called it a day, loaded the kids in the van, piled out a 1/2 mile later and had everyone use the bathroom. The kids watched dvds the whole ride home, Hannah slept and Ben and I held hands.

A moment, after we loaded all the kids into the car, Ben asked me to stay outside and asks, " How are you doing?" I started laughing hysterically, I was laughing so hard I was shaking and crying. I was thinking of all my expectations going into this trip, I told him, " all my expectations were murdered." This was stated through my hysterical, crazy laughter. I couldn't help it, it was either laugh or cry- so I chose both.

I learned a few lessons from this trip. Memories are made everywhere, even hard memories can be made into good ones if you can laugh about them. Do not have any expectations when a one year old is involved. In general, just go without expectations because they will break you each time. I said to Ben, " 30 years from now, we will come back to this park, alone, and sit on the bench and stare at the swing, the bridge and the playground and say, ' Where did those years go?' and we will cry and laugh because we will remember and we will be together" That's all that maters in the end.

On the way to the Polar Express!

She has "wild" eyes

The kids loved the Polar Express and the snow. They dealt with our frustrations and saw that we are human and have emotions like they do but we tried to display healthy ways of dealing with a very frustrating situation. Life is a ride, and sometimes you just need to let go and laugh.

Take Time

Take time to breathe, to play, to laugh, to read, to enjoy, to slow down, to rest, to giggle, to be silly, to learn about new things, to revisit old things, to see life in your child's eyes, to enjoy the wonder of their world, to see life in the eyes of someone who wishes you would slow down.

Take time to pray, to trust God, to rest in His peace, to believe, to be refreshed, to grow stronger.

Take time to bake, to create, to make mistakes, to make messes, to learn, to imagine, to build, to name ants " Slammer, Tammer, Racer", to sit with an empty water bottle and fill it full with leaves, sticks and grass, to run, to walk.

Take time to enjoy your children- they are a precious gift worth investing in. Take time to say no to activities and say yes to quality one on one time.

Take time, before the time takes you by surprise.

My Grandma

So last night, or early this morning, whichever way you want to look at it I had a dream about my Grandma. To understand my Grandma, let me just take a minute to describe my feelings and memories of her: soft skin, caring, loving, sometimes happy, sometimes not, huge farm, picking raspberries in the summer, long walks along country roads listening to cicadas, eating cheez curls, the smell of her blankets in between comfort and moth balls, her smile, having her read stories to me, measuring me for new dresses, always sewing, sewing some more, making sure I always had a hat on, even when I didn't feel it was cold enough, playing endless games of hot potato when my brother and I had a horrible case of chicken pox, spaghettios, graham crackers with jelly, vitamins, always giving vitamin, practical, a saver, a giver, my friend.

I had a dream last night that woke me up sobbing. I was pushing my Grandma ( who is 83, almost 84 and not on a single prescription) through the halls of an assisted living place. My Grandma, in real life, is very independent, has had knee surgeries but successfully lives life on her own. I kept saying, " Have you been outside, can I take you outside?" and then as we were walking along the balcony of this multi story building her wheelchair slipped and I was unable to pull her away from danger alone and I kept calling out for help...finally, someone came to assist. In my dream, for whatever reason, she was not able to help herself.

Then, when we made it to a safe spot, I picked her up and carried her in both arms and kept telling her over and over, " thank you, thank you, I love you, I love you". There were kids running in and out of the elevator and we let them go down first. It was almost as if it was their season and my Grandma's was about to pass. I kept saying how I would never want to be a child again, that wisdom gained is worth more than any years of youthfulness- and how true those words are.

I cannot imagine the day when I find that my Grandma has passed on from this life, onto her heavenly home- my heart is so heavy today, but I will tell you- she has invested so much life into me, has given me so much that my heart is overflowed with the special bond you will only find between a grandma and a granddaughter, this is not the " I see you once a year and I'm good" this is , " you invested in me when I was young, now let me invest in you while you are old". I love you Grandma- thank you for always believing in me and loving me.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Ok, so today started off prepared and planned. We headed to a Pet Expo to recap our last four weeks of pet studies in responsibility. The kids and I all packed lunches, wrote out directions and actually understood them and changed a very disgusting diaper before walking out the door.

Every child had water ( a big deal in our family) and our audio book, Winn Dixie, was working mighty fine in my cd player and added to our themed day. I've never read this book before but it is a very good read/ listen! Anyways, we head into Phoenix- driving along, singing a song and score, I find the location!

I see hoards and hoards of people piling out of their cars and parking in the main parking lot and many in the off shoot parking lots to save a couple of bucks. I decide to pay more and park closer because I"m by myself, downtown and would prefer to make things as easy on myself as possible. As I am driving up I notice that the signs on all the booths say " cash only". When do I ever have cash on me, I mutter in my brain. I text Ben to see if he knows of any good locations to stop at as my choices are slim in this part of the hood. He does not sooo, I ask the friendly man at the "off shoot" booth and he gives me a couple of choices. Ok..... heading off deeper into the ghetto now.

Never fear, within two minutes I landed and secured my ATM withdrawal of $20 and headed back to the Pet Expo. I pull up, pay, and park in amazing first available spot only to realize I have not parked someone in and now need to back up and maneuver my way around this wild group of "mean" looking trucks. Ok, did it, with my mad car skill to thank. We parked and I unloaded everyone, put the girls in the double strollers, placed our lunchbags designed with Cars 2 and Disney princesses in the basket of the stroller and took off. 

There was an excitement in the air that I had never felt before. People were pumped so I became more pumped. Jay asked me, " Where do we go?" I said, " If you don't ever know, just follow the people in front of you" So...that is what we did. As we got closer I see men walking around everywhere. Many of them looked quite burly and I kept thinking, " wow, this pet expo is bringing them out from all corners of the world".

I stood in line and when I reached the front a man gave me a $1 off coupon to a gun show. "Ok," I thought sarcastically. "Why do I need this?" I verified that 12 and under were free and the lady at the booth stated , "yes". Then, she stated my ticket price would be $15. Umm, excuse me? I tried to explain to her that I just looked online today and it stated $6 but she said that I would need a ticket to enter and then I could talk to the promoters about the price difference...sooo, I had to go back to the ATM machine, thankfully this one was located next to the booth and withdrawal another $20 because now I only had $13 in cash. The man standing next to me was a little scary and he had a huge gun on his belt. Seriously dude, this is a pet show.

I get back in line, with the four children, and pay, receive my ticket and then make it down the ramp with my double stroller, four children and a very cute outfit on, mind you. As we are being herded into this area to give up our tickets, the energy in the room is heavy with testosterone. Men everywhere toting rifles and guns, huge signs stating " NO LOADED GUNS ALLOWED" . I could not believe how much police presence was at the pet expo and it was almost time for the reptile show. I hoped we would have enough time to talk to the promoters and then see the reptiles.

A large woman is yelling, " open up your gun cases, I need to see your guns fully unloaded before you leave!". Man after man after man unloading their cases and doing whatever they do with their rifles and shot guns to show that they were empty. This is insane, why is the NRA sponsoring the pet show. I was very hot at this point, and finally, after moving from a huge group funneled into a single line, I gave the workers my ticket and asked where the promoter was located. They directed me and I wheeled the five of us over there. " Umm, excuse me, is this the pet expo?" - the woman just looked at me, the kids, and the stroller and said, " oh honey, you are at the Gun Show"- What!?!? How did I end up here???! Then it dawned on me, I was seriously the only one with a baby in this place, let alone a stroller, almost the only estrogen and the only one without a gun on my waist or a rifle across my shoulders. This is insane!!!Get us out of here!!!

The lady was so friendly, brought us to someone who refunded our money and directed us to a little building on the south side of the parking lot that was, indeed, the pet expo. We just walked out of there, saying goodbye to our pro-gun fans and pushed the stroller across a huge asphalt, 110 degree parking lot.



Finally, towards the end we found our reptile show. Jay was able to hold a python and then Austen held a slink with a blue tongue and Jay held a bearded dragon. The Bearded Dragon then peed boatloads all over Jayden as well as the floor, drenching him with dragon urine. He received a free reptile shirt and now I need to wash his shirt that apparently has nature's worst urine smell on it. Overall, we had a great day and I laughed the entire time thinking of how insane it truly was.

PS. NEVER FOLLOW THE CROWD

Love- changing hearts one moment at a time

Yesterday at church I listened for the FIRST time,yes first time since I"ve been gone our new pastor. Wow, I was blessed. I was blessed beyond belief. He challenged me to not focus on changing this part of me, than that part of me but to focus on Love. " And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ and then " Love your neighbor as yourself"- if you do these two things than you fulfill all the commandments.

I thought about this and couldn't believe how true it was. If you are loving, your are not being selfish, envious, jealous, full of rage, discontent, fearful, angry, telling lies because in each instance you are loving God first and others second and loving them as ourself.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with my " to do" list, but I just need to live in the moment. Focus on the task, the moment at hand and love through it because then I will be displaying the heart of God. If the new anole cage has A&D ointment oozing into it and the 30 crickets that I now need to feed w/ bits of apple and a cotton ball full of water have been sprayed with water and are floating in their NEW, expensive cricket carrier dead and the anole has pooed in his water and the heating lamp has yet again fallen and bulb broken, I need to love in that moment. Why? Because I have a 7 year old who is trying his hardest to care for his anole. He sprays it diligently because the humidity levels start dropping and he LOVES his anole, he cares for it, it is HIS.

Is this not what how Christ feels towards us, we make messes we require a LOT of maintenance yet HE has never given up on us. IS this not a model I want to follow for my own children even when I feel like giving up on the anole mess. Messes that are not mine, messes created by someone else ( A and M), messes created by something else- "Frisky" our dear, dear anole.

Well what if we don't love ourself? That's why we love God first. " In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." He loved us first so I can look to Him to observe love, model His love. If I am that valuable to someone to allow their son to be sacrificed for my horrible things WHILE I am still in sin than how can I not receive that love and apply it to my heart? What a gamble. God sent His son while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He did not do it knowing we would all come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ but " For God so loved the world".

So my challenge for you busy mamas and wives- Love. Stop trying to beat yourself up over all the things you need to change about yourself, focus on loving God first, than your families and then the world. God is Love. Be encouraged, I know I am!

"Love is patient, kind, it does not envy , it does not boat, it is not proud, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered..."

Hebrews 2:17 For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.

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1 John 2:2 He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

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1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

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1 John 4:9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

Can I Hear a Collective "WOW"

So I as some of you may have been reading, I have a daughter named Moriah and she is the apple of my eye, loves fierce, lives passionately and gets a beady little look in her eye when I feel she is morphing into the "Ramona" character from the Beverly Cleary books.

Yesterday, I was visiting a friend whom I had not seen in awhile and she was taking me around her NEW house. Let me emphasis NEW- not old, not broken into, not torn up and damaged but new. Anyways, I was sitting on the couch and Moriah was jumping so I told her to stop. She stopped for a moment, did it again, again told her to stop as she did she jumped over me knocking my coffee over my friend's baby's tummy time mat and all over her glass end table ( haha, will get back to those). We cleaned up the mess, not a whole lot of damage done except extreme annoyance on my part. However, Moriah sat next to me or wandered off aimlessly in the backyard and seemed to be occupied.

Later, as our visit was winding down and we were getting in a few last chats before saying adieu, we situated ourselves in the front room which was a LONG way from the family room. As we sat chatting, chatting, chatting we heard a sickening crash. I rushed quickly down the hall and stopped as I see a once put together, glass top end table shattered in hundreds of pieces, some being quite large, others being quite minuscule and Moriah standing on the couch looking at me with a very unsure expression to her. After seeing that not one child was harmed by the dangerous glass and relief quickly dissipating I was so upset.

Why is it that toddlers seem to go in stages of listening, not listening, listening, not listening? To think of how badly she could have gotten hurt simply because of her disobedience frustrates me to no end. I know her intention was not to break the table but I just can't wrap my head around why she wouldn't sit with her bottom on the couch, play or watch the movie. I ask God every day for a love like His for Moriah and patience and understanding on how to raise her to be a godly woman. She is so amazing but so frustrating at times. I am so thankful, to God, for protecting her. I get shivers thinking of her falling through that empty square with the jagged glass daggers all around. What life lesson can I take from this....well, there are a couple:

1. Just because you are not going to break something, doesn't mean your child won't.
2. My children and glass end tables, or glass anything do not mesh well
3. Bring a check book , from now on, to others homes so I can just pay for the broken object right then and there.
4. Pray for God's continual protection over my children because , wow, I'm not always in the same room
5. Grace, grace, grace. We all need more of it, given to us and given out by us.
6. See our children as God does, who they will be, not who they aren't.

And, yes, everyone was out of the car except Moriah, at the store, and she looked at me and locked herself in. Again. Patience, just have patience.

Dual/Trio/Quadruple Purpose Rooms

Eat In Kitchen: eating, school, laundry room, cleaning supplies, baking, cooking, art supplies
Living Room: congregating, school, watching tv, play room, relaxing
Boys bedroom, sharing, playing, school
Girls bedroom: sharing and playing
Our Bedroom: Office/Sewing Craft room/Sleeping/Sometimes school/Living
Our Closet: Storage/Hanging clothes/Hannah's 'room'

Yes, just like Austen, Hannah sleeps in the closet. There is a little window and a fan- she loves it. She takes naps and sleeps at night in there. When we lived in our 1000 sq ft apt with just the boys we were glad to put Austen in there because we needed a place for Jay to play at quiet time and Austen to sleep. Now, pretty much same reason. Hannah was in the bassinet next to my bed for many months but then she just started sleeping and only waking up , hearing us or actually hungry so we moved her, her monitor and fan to the closet. Its a walk in, not huge but a nice enough size to accommodate a pack n play. The door doesn't open all the way but hey, who needs clothes any ways?

My prayer is that by the end of this year, we will be moved out of our 1100 sq ft home and into something much larger. Ben and I were laughing that we will all be together in one room of the house, afraid to venture off in fear of losing each other. This is our fourth home since we have been married and we have moved 5 times ( the first out of our parent's homes). Each time, we have increased the sq footage by around 100 sq ft each time....inch by inch by inch we are getting there....but we have 6 people now. God has blessed us with a great neighborhood, food and shelter....however, we will be so thankful to have room to spread out in and live and entertain. Cannot wait to share this praise report that has been a prayer going on for two years now! Here's to a few more months, hopefully!

Simplified Living

The mornings have been incredibly beautiful and cool. It seems, every morning, the kids open the back door and begin exclaiming about all the many lady bugs that are dotting our "plants" out back. The kids find aphids on the leaves at our home as well as where we work out. 

The other day, Moriah came in, wearing nothing but a sweatery jumper and pulling out her ladybug that she so gingerly placed in her pocket. " Is it still there, yep, she's still there" Neverminding that each time she removed the bug from her pocket she squished it a little bit more until it was nothing short of dead twice over. Or Austen, walking around with a bucket filling it with lady bugs simply to watch them crawl around. They LOVE them!

I am loving this morning time that they are sharing and the beauty of the stillness. Ben was home, sleeping, the other morning and I left the boys in the backyard while I ran some errands because they were so into the lady bugs that they did not want to stop watching them. 

These small, reddish orange, block dotted, winged bugs take hold of their captivation for extended periods of time. 

So sit back, stop what you are doing, set down your broom, your i phone, your running shoes, open your back door, scrunch down, listen, watch, wait and breathe, breathe slowly for life is constantly moving and changing around us if we only stop to observe.

Little Peepers

I have been noticing a lot lately that My mini me watches my every action and hears my every word. Ben was saying how the other night when she was screaming in her bedroom because she had disobeyed, gotten her window closed, books taken away that when he went in there to take care of her and strongly advise her to end her screaming escapade that she was sitting in her bed, with her silky blanket wrapped around her finger and wringing it back and forth :/

I have eczema, sometimes of the year really, really bad. I almost always have it on 2 fingers and I'm at the point now where I have switched detergents to all natural oils, done with fabric softener, eat very little wheat and working on the dairy. I am trying to figure out what is the cause. But one thing, when I am stressed, no matter what time of year I will start wringing my fingers back and forth because the itching sensation actually starts to make me feel calm. I am  of a different breed, just bare with me.

The thought that Moriah was doing this blew my mind. She literally observes with blatant details my actions. The other day I was loving on Ben and Austen kept saying, " mama, mama, mama,mama,mama....." and Moriah goes, " Auten! you not keep sayin' mama, mama, mama, you say cuse me mama and den wait" - ummm, how may times have I said that to my children and here little mamacita at the ripe old age of 2.5 is reciting that. That just makes me even more , scrutinize my daily interactions with my family. It is very important for me to respect Ben as my husband, the leader of our family and a father, to love him and to serve him. I truly try to every day, and by no means am I perfect....who is....but wow, if my little chica grows up and can take an ounce of all my effort of all that I have tried to learn since we first got married and bring it with her into her marriage someday, it will be all worth it. Whether playing gobs of goopy makeup, sticky mascara, or too much bronzer over one side of her face with purple eye shadow to mimicking my tone of voice or sayings, I pray that what I'm seeing and hearing in my "reflection" is honoring to the Lord. God I bring this before you. Thank you.

Ballet Whispers

Today I had the privilege of watching my daughter, Moriah, perform for 15 minutes her ballet and tap routines in her dance class. My heart was coming out my chest with pride and love for that girl. How are you big enough to follow directions and learn steps? How do you exude confidence? What a minute, how is your hair so long and your legs so long?

Why does it seem that her life, in particular, is flying faster than I can keep up? I don't know what to do with all my emotions that come from her, I love her more than I can express on this simplified version of "poetic nonsense" that I call my blog. She is growing up. Every night I pray, " God give her a gracious heart, a loving and kind heart  a gentle spirit. She is a fighter, independent, a leader, she is kind and loving and gracious. She is everything i could have asked for in a daughter and so much more.

I had a preview of what life with her and her stages through life would be like today. Seeing my beautiful 2.5 year old dressed in a beautiful, puffy dress with her hair pulled to the side, wisps hanging out and a beautiful bow clipped into her hair- how does life go so fast, and she is only two! I know I will blink and be helping her pick out a dress for a formal, talking to her about life, picking up her broken heart when life crashes it down. Sometimes I don't feel ready for this, this part of parenting. I can handle the sleepless nights and the nursing- I'm good at that.....I just pray God gives me grace on the next stage, I don't feel " good" at that. Please don't grow up too fast, my sweet Moriah- Momma is not ready yet, your life is blowing past me in soft whispers...I'm afraid if I"m not listening close enough, I will miss it. I love you!