My Blood Disorder Has a name

          As many of you are aware, I had a massive debilitating stroke 7 years ago while pregnant with baby #5. The cause "pregnancy related". I underwent three full years of non stop therapy( physical, speech, occupational, cognitive retraining), Dr. apps, driving evaluations, psycho therapy appointments, psychiatric appointments, hematologist, neurologist, etc. All while trying to learn how to be a Mom and wife again and dealing with extreme feelings of sadness, grief, mourning, and loss.  Needless to say, as the therapy began to lift, appointments began to dwindle I decided to take a  break from any  medical appointment. I was tired, my once proactive lifestyle for health was crushed. I no longer cared about preventative things such as pap smears, mammograms.

       After a random appointment with my psychotherapist, I stated I would like to be done with Coumadin. So, she suggested I revisit my hematologist. So, reluctantly I made that appointment. ( me and my big mouth).  I see my doctor and she ordered a complete work up of my blood. The lab took nine viles of blood! Here we go again. I could feel all my anxiety of doctors starting to creep up. I was angry I had opened up pandora's box.  A few weeks passed as the blood was accessed.
   
    I returned to my doctor this past week. She said I have a blood disorder called lupus(not lupus) anticoagulant  blood disorder. Which means, my blood thickens unnaturally causing  clots. She said it answers why I lost 5 babies to miscarriage and had a massive stroke. She smiled at Ben and I and said, "You know you are a miracle, right?! You know having your 5 kids is a miracle."  I was relieved and grateful  to Gods that we had a diagnosis. This is an autoimmune disorder, basically my cells bind unnaturally to each other causing clots.  I cannot believe God in his mercy and sovereignty protected me countless times, protected all 5 live babies, continually heals my body(still waiting on my left hand). In other words, I'm  on Coumadin for life :)

     Even when we don't think God is working, He is working, even we feel He is silent and cannot hear us, He hears. I'm still sad about my stroke, I grieve the life I had, I grieve the loss we, as a family, have experienced. Yet, I truly believe that God causes all things to work for good, for those who love the Lord.

    I'm thankful for the years that lay ahead of me. I am thankful to be able to give my kids a name to the blood disorder, so they can be tested for it, when ready. .  I am so so thankful to Jesus Christ for continually walking with me through this very hard and dark time of my life.  Lupus Anticoagulant you are not stronger than Jesus who by his blood I am healed.  I fought for everything I have in life, my life as a Mama, to be a Mama. Even when I didn't know I was fighting I was fighting.  Here are two blogs written with two hands before my stroke..... soo they are much longer and more descriptive.  Hence, the reason my blogging has all but slowed and stopped since my stoke.

http://spilledmilkandwetkisses.blogspot.com/2011/10/miscarriage-carnival.html
http://spilledmilkandwetkisses.blogspot.com/2010/12/happy-new-year-hannah.html