The stroke has nothing to do with me, but to bring glory to God

I cannot type worth a "hoot" anymore.  So much has happened these past 3 weeks.  On May 20, Ben and I were simply laughing about the lunar eclipse, standing outside with our paper plates and laughing about what I was supposed to be looking at with a pin hole in the paper plate.

Little did we know within 2 hours our lives would change within 10 seconds.  Ben and I were hanging out and out of the blue my speech immediately became slurred and an intense pain soared from the nape of my neck upward and Ben was on the phone with 911 immediately: "Hi, yes I think my wife is having a stroke."  I remember thinking, "this is silly, who has a stroke at 29?" The next thing I remember is Ben saying, "the ambulance is here."  I have no memory of being put in a bag.  Just them asking me over and over for my birthday and my due date.  And them saying, "squeeze my hand."  I had no idea I was paralyzed.

I felt an overwhelming sense of peace that I knew was the Holy Spirit.  I do not remember much of the ambulance ride, just being immediately put into a CT machine and feeling God's presence.

The hardest part was not being able to reassure Ben.  That part killed me.  At one point thinking in my head, "I'm ready to go home now," and Ben leaning over me very upset, "Amanda! You can't walk!"  "What do you mean I can't walk?!" This is news to me.  I had no idea I was paralyzed.  I am so thankful for the prayers.  You all rock!

Every day I would wake up - "Okay, God, what are you giving me back today?"

I didn't know I lost my ability to swallow.  That my whole left side was paralyzed.  One day I had 3 MRIs, and just praying the whole time for God to protect our baby.

Each step of the way, He was the most faithful friend.  The rally of love and support from all our friends and family...you ministered to us so much.  Thank you thank you!

In Proverbs it says, "The steps of a man are established by the Lord and when he falls he will not be hurled headlong for the Lord is the one who holds his hand."

This verse means so much to me now, just trying to learn how to walk again.  Huge challenge!  Ben has to stay on my weak side (left side) because if I'm going to fall that is the side I will fall on.  That is what God does for us, he stays on our weak side.  His desire for us is success.  I am so thankful for his faithfulness in this most challenging trial of my life.

My voice is still weak, but my arm is slowly coming back.  God is so good!  I look forward to being able to push my kids in the swing again soon!

This whole process has reminded me of a fighter.  When I started rehab I had zero trunk support.  I would flop over on the mat.  It took 4 people to get me into a wheelchair.

Ephesians 6:13-18  "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."

When I was so floppy, these are the verses that came to my mind.  When I was struggling to maintain balance, I refused to believe the lie "you may never walk again."  This has ultimately been the biggest test of my life, but God, I trust you!

Never will I leave you nor forsake you.  He is faithful.  I believe that to my core of who I am.

Each and every day God gives me back something that was taken from me in 10 seconds.  And everyday He gives me something new back, even if it is just a movement in my fingers.

Mentally exhausting, every day is mentally exhausting.  My stamina will come in the months ahead.

Please keep Ben in your prayers, he is juggling a lot right now.

To God be all the glory!  Amen!

My God Image

I have realized something about myself. Unless I am rooted in Christ and constantly in His word, I am pretty shaky when it comes to my " accomplishments and achievements". Let me explain. Social media, support groups, friends, church, pintrest, and blogs open up the doors for so many avenues to be used by God, through God but if my identity is in any of those things listed above the minute someone does not comment, recognize or pay tribute or a craft on pintrest becomes just a pin and never a production my self worth begins to fall.

Call me honest, or putting myself out there but I think that so many of us fall into this category and we hate to admit it. I share because this blog serves as a journey to my life...an avenue, to see my spiritual growth as well as the growth of my family. This has been something that the Holy Spirit has been bringing to the forefront of my heart each and every day. This year, has been a tough year for Spiritual growth. I am thankful for the growing pains because it means that the Holy Spirit sees that I'm ready for it; I need to grow so that I can grow into a new level.

Lately, however, I have felt a huge disconnect from certain areas of life and I really believe that this is God working out my self image.....removing it from me and replacing His image into my heart. When I look in the mirror, regardless of who is saying what or not saying- I see Christ. When I am having a harried day with my kids and look at a blog that is full of tranquility and peace and begin to compare that God-image rises up in me and yells " NO!".

When my self esteem begins to waver because of what I feel I am not doing enough of, being enough too, failing in  this area, etc my God Image rises up and says, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6


I am a child of God, I have been bought by the blood of Christ, I am a new creation, God knit ME in my mother's womb, I AM fearfully and wonderfully made, I am not bound to sin but God made him who had no sin, to be sin for us so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God...."


You will NEVER feel good enough, you will never do enough crafts, games, reading lessons, spend enough time with friends, give enough ON YOUR OWN STRENGTH! 


Hold me now, I feel the Holy Spirit moving! But by the strength and power of the HOly Spirit mighty things will come forth through you. Remove from selfish ambition- this includes any self image and worth that is carried and replace it with my garment of Praise- that my light would shine through in the dark places. You will  not reach out when you hold onto self. Self is not of me, but humble yourself so that I may be exalted. 


Mothers, wives, friends- our image is in CHRIST! The old has passed away, behold the new has come. He makes all things new. Stop living in the lies that the enemy has placed on you. " You will never be as good as her, you will never do as much as her, your friends are not interested in you, why doesn't anyone call you..." These are lies to isolate and cause division. This is how the enemy works, with thoughts and lies.


Behold, I have created your for greatness for might for power- IN MY NAME. No longer walk with your head held low, but I have created you for such a time as this. Your image as a mama is rooted in ME, your image as a wife is rooted in ME, your image as a friend is rooted in ME- You are rooted in ME.  John 15: 1-11

1“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2“Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. 3“You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. 5“I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. 6“If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. 7“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8“My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. 9“Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. 10“If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. 11“These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.

Praise God, He totally just hijacked my blog- Praise God, my heart is overflowing with joy right now at the truth that I shakily typed as the Holy Spirit flowed through my heart. This is totally meant for me, but I believe that God has allowed me to have this forum because it is intended for so many more. Walk forward oh Daughter of Christ- " Daughter your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed from your affliction." Mark 5:34

Warriors Not Inconviences

Sitting in church today, I listened to a woman share how God has called her to India to work with the human trafficking. I began to think about how the innocence of our children is under attack in every aspect of society. Years ago, children were to be seen and not heard. Now, children are to be viewed as expenses, inconvenient, not the right timing, messy, dirty, noisy, making us take "breaks" from our careers and a nuisance.

I find it so interesting that child sex slave trafficking is effecting millions of children, children made led to feel unwanted, unloved, used and abused. Children are being forced into military violence of the most heinous of kinds. Babies are being aborted left and right. Children are taught that their voice is less of importance- we do not care what you have to say. They are being forced to grow up too soon via television, toys, movies, video games, clothing, etc. All of this reinforces that children are not important. We can say all we want, but the truth is if we don't protect and preserve that which is important, it truly is not important.

I want you to know, child, that my career is being put on hold while I take a break and raise you for a bit. When you are older, I am going to get back into the game so I don't mess my up chances for advancements. I'm missing out on a lot of money, raises and bonuses right now. Child, you were not exactly born at the right time. Financially, we weren't ready for you. I wish we would have waited.

It's because of you, that this is wrong and that is wrong. If you weren't here, things would be going so much smoother. In our western mindset, we will have children when it is to our selfish convenience. In other parts of the world, when the family is poor or a child is unwanted many times are "released"- thrown into a world of sex, darkness and destruction. How will they ever learn to love when they are have never been loved?

As I sat in church, listening to a woman expressing a passion of mine that I have not quite figured out how to make it work with my current lifestyle, aka: FULL time mama- I began to pray and ask God to use other women and men like this woman to fight the good fight and pull down the dark, demonic strongholds of satan.

See, satan gets this. Children are our future. If we stop having them, destroy their innocence, make them grow up into mini adults when they are too young, force them into sex slavery and pummel their souls- then his goal will be accomplished. How will they be active and productive members of society, able to function with a mature mindset full of empathy and compassion when their childhoods were stolen? What are we to do? The odds are stacked against us!

PRAY! Oh mighty warriors of God pray. Pray for the pulling down of strongholds, praying for the mighty hand of God to crush satan's head and his tactics. There are future doctors, missionaries, dentists, lawyers, mamas, daddies, farmers, social workers, midwives, pastors and artists screaming out in the depths of satans lair for a chance, a fighting chance to be a child- a child of God.

They need to be loved. Cherish your children. Your child is the future. Never allow the lies of the enemy to deter us from our calling. NEVER allow the lie of " this isn't good enough" or " I should be doing more" to move you away from your home base, your home. We are raising world changers- after we are dead and gone, should Jesus not come back yet- they will be carrying the torch to the dark places, tearing down strongholds and moving mountains in the name of Jesus! Hallelujah!

Pray, oh children of God. There is a future doctor who desires to heal women, to birth forth in joy children, who is caught in the diabolical cycle of sex trafficking now, you may not be able to reach her, but someone will- pray for that someone. They are listening to God.

I will raise my children to be warriors. They are called to a mighty and exalted calling, not because I have proclaimed it but out of the mouth of God it HAS BEEN SPOKEN! Walk forward in confidence- Children are a blessing and they are God's, not ours. Children are not inconvenient, they are precious in the sight of their Maker. Look at your child, and see the child that God sees- for when you look in his/her precious eyes who will weep at the unseen potential - potential that the world calls "inconvenient" " commodity" " worthless". Potential that makes the devil tremble, potential that moves the heart of the Commander of Heaven. Fight now- for the future of our children is on the front lines! Now is the time, do not wait!

Blessed are the poor in spirit:

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn:
for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek:
for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness:
for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful:
for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart:
for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers:
for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake:
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:3-10 - Jesus

Why Do I Do the Things I Naught?

I am having a moment....kind of a downer moment to be honest. I can tell this is the moment where I need to pray because I am allowing circumstantial things to overwhelm me. Some of the things are not even that huge, to be honest- most are not but I am the prime example of allowing one issue to be used as teh shovel to go around and gather every other nook and cranny issue, insecurity or fault and pile it altogether to form a party.

God, please help me to be the kind of wife and mama that you desire for me. I pray that we would look to the future with expectancy and hope and not with fear or insecurity. When life does not seem to go as planned I pray our faith in you would grow stronger. Take all of my insecurities and fears and replace them with your confidence, a kind of strong, quiet confidence that does not fear the future. But that is full of strength and dignity. Take all of my flaws and transform them- through the renewing of my mind.

God give me authenticity, patience and grace. I feel like I'm floundering at times, give me stability.

The battle has only begun