Saturday, June 16, 2012

The stroke has nothing to do with me, but to bring glory to God

I cannot type worth a "hoot" anymore.  So much has happened these past 3 weeks.  On May 20, Ben and I were simply laughing about the lunar eclipse, standing outside with our paper plates and laughing about what I was supposed to be looking at with a pin hole in the paper plate.

Little did we know within 2 hours our lives would change within 10 seconds.  Ben and I were hanging out and out of the blue my speech immediately became slurred and an intense pain soared from the nape of my neck upward and Ben was on the phone with 911 immediately: "Hi, yes I think my wife is having a stroke."  I remember thinking, "this is silly, who has a stroke at 29?" The next thing I remember is Ben saying, "the ambulance is here."  I have no memory of being put in a bag.  Just them asking me over and over for my birthday and my due date.  And them saying, "squeeze my hand."  I had no idea I was paralyzed.

I felt an overwhelming sense of peace that I knew was the Holy Spirit.  I do not remember much of the ambulance ride, just being immediately put into a CT machine and feeling God's presence.

The hardest part was not being able to reassure Ben.  That part killed me.  At one point thinking in my head, "I'm ready to go home now," and Ben leaning over me very upset, "Amanda! You can't walk!"  "What do you mean I can't walk?!" This is news to me.  I had no idea I was paralyzed.  I am so thankful for the prayers.  You all rock!

Every day I would wake up - "Okay, God, what are you giving me back today?"

I didn't know I lost my ability to swallow.  That my whole left side was paralyzed.  One day I had 3 MRIs, and just praying the whole time for God to protect our baby.

Each step of the way, He was the most faithful friend.  The rally of love and support from all our friends and family...you ministered to us so much.  Thank you thank you!

In Proverbs it says, "The steps of a man are established by the Lord and when he falls he will not be hurled headlong for the Lord is the one who holds his hand."

This verse means so much to me now, just trying to learn how to walk again.  Huge challenge!  Ben has to stay on my weak side (left side) because if I'm going to fall that is the side I will fall on.  That is what God does for us, he stays on our weak side.  His desire for us is success.  I am so thankful for his faithfulness in this most challenging trial of my life.

My voice is still weak, but my arm is slowly coming back.  God is so good!  I look forward to being able to push my kids in the swing again soon!

This whole process has reminded me of a fighter.  When I started rehab I had zero trunk support.  I would flop over on the mat.  It took 4 people to get me into a wheelchair.

Ephesians 6:13-18  "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."

When I was so floppy, these are the verses that came to my mind.  When I was struggling to maintain balance, I refused to believe the lie "you may never walk again."  This has ultimately been the biggest test of my life, but God, I trust you!

Never will I leave you nor forsake you.  He is faithful.  I believe that to my core of who I am.

Each and every day God gives me back something that was taken from me in 10 seconds.  And everyday He gives me something new back, even if it is just a movement in my fingers.

Mentally exhausting, every day is mentally exhausting.  My stamina will come in the months ahead.

Please keep Ben in your prayers, he is juggling a lot right now.

To God be all the glory!  Amen!

7 comments:

Melissa Bruney said...

You truly are an amazing Child of God. Keep up the good work. I enjoy seeing your progress and strength. We are all cheering you on!

Heather@Cultivated Lives said...

Amanda, I am just rejoicing at how the Holy Spirit protected you and gave you supernatural peace through that whole ordeal. We serve such an amazing God and I'm so thankful for the strong foundation you had in Him. The storms of life can't take you down when your foundation is Jesus!

Anonymous said...

Amanda, You are truly an AMAZING woman of God! All the glory will and is going to Him. Your strength and perseverance amazes me, a fighter, relying on the Lord with each step, each breath. Thank you Jesus for everything you are doing in Amanda's body, and for her continued healing!
Love You! Aletia :)

Mikailah said...

Praise the Lord, Amanda! My family and I have been praying for you ever since we heard the news. God is indeed good! You will continue to pray for you and your dear family. So glad you are doing much, much better. :)

In Christ,
Mikailah (Angie's sister)

Homegrown Learners said...

Just read your story this morning -- I am praying for even more to given back to you bit by bit through God's grace and faithfulness.

You're in my prayers now!

nancy bouwens (mom) said...

The faith you are walking with - inspires ME to walk stronger and more faithful. I love you beautiful daughter of mine :) xoxo

Tara H said...

I've been praying for you since I read about you on Heather's blog. I'm so glad that you are doing as well as you are. I will continue to pray for you and your family!