Sunday, October 21, 2012

fighting for a recovery

    Over the past five months. My mind has been consumed with trying to recover. I am constantly thinking about how to improve my mind through logic games, logic puzzles, and how to how to grieve what has been lost. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that it took 10 seconds for me to lose the ability to walk, talk c sit up, and many other things. At times, I feel very angry. That I cannot be the mom or the wife that I want to be. I have this little box where I keep an assortment of balls, sponges, and anything else that I feel would aid in my recovery.

 iI has been such a fight every day.  with myself, who I desire to be in the future. To be honest, I struggle many times with trusting that God is in all of this. I had no problems with my "former "life. But I realized through all this I am quite  a fighter.

 I fight for the ability to care, independently for my family. I I look forward very much to the day. When, I can look at a  door and open it with ease. I really miss, being able to pick up Hannah. So I fight for that to come back and.I believe, that someday God will restore to me was stolen. I am thankful, for the time I have with my family. Life is a battle. Maybe, you haven't experienced a battle yet  trust me it will come. Every person's battle will look different. It's in the battle that you begin to realize what kind of warrior you are.

      For the past five months, our focus has been fixated on getting me better. I am so thankful for Ben. Even,  when  it feels that we remain in a black.depressing hole. He was never given up. I know, that somehow,someway,someday. We will be back to normal. That in itself, keeps me going.  each day, I feel is a grieving process. To some extent, you grieve the difference. In life, and try to learn how to trust God more genuinely. This, is not easy. It' snot for the faint of heart.

working on wrist flexion

my ice bag in hand, trying to numb the area on my stomach where i get My daily shot
 I am due   in the next five weeks. Slowly ever so slowly. I am starting to think more about our newest member. Of our family. Who was only 13 weeks along when everything occurred. Now, is a healthy 35 weeks.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Trying to be patient, and this season's life

If, you would have asked me what this year would have looks like. I don't think hundreds of hours dedicated to rehabilitation would have bad in my mind frame. I don't really enjoy, where life is this year. I try to remember that this is a season. Not a lifetime, however it feels like a lifetime. I look forward to next year being stronger. And God willing living life, the way  I hope I can. Homeschooling does not look at all how I wanted to look, at least this year. My favorite part, Konos, has had to be set aside at least for the near future.

MyHannah Lou

 Oh  oHannah Lou now little. You are you are at two years old. And very full of energy. From, the moment you are out of bed if you are running. You really don't play with toys. However, yesterday you played for 20 minutes in your highchair with Playdough. I love how the much you talk. When you say, "no, you're funny." You are very adventurous. It always can make me smile. You don't really like to watch movies. If you are so much interested in a story. You want your own story to go  along with it. at. You really just like the company of someone else's voice talking. the other day, I took you for a walk in your new umbrella stroller. We went off to the park, and you wanted in the worst way To swing. Those are hard moments for me because I can put you in the swing. pushing you in a stroller is still a struggle. Because my left hand doesn't want to stay put when I'm pushing forward. So we went down the slide a together, and I just kind of step back and enjoyed watching you skip across the grassy field. Just watching you was to peaceful to me. Your blonde bouncy hair, blowing in the breeze.You will probably never remember how hard this time in your life was for me. That is okay with me. You see with the most beautiful voice ever. I love how high you can get your voice to go, especially when you sing "I yup you so much".  if, you knew you had earrings and they would be out by now. I love you Lou Lou.

The little things.

Okay.This is my first blog post with Dragon a dictation program. I hope it goes well. It has been very hard not to be to type of the past four months. I chose these pictures to highlight some of the fun things the kids have done. I love Jayden's adventure red Hat. He wears that everywhere. Earlier this summer we lost it. It was very sad because he literally wears his hat every day. I love that because he is always ready for an adventure. It has been so hot here in Arizona. Krista will filled up like 60 water balloons the and put them in the cooler and the kids and I would go outside and throw them at each other. The expression on Hannah's  the face was priceless. She would scrunch  up her face when anyone would come relatively close to her.I enjoyed these excursions out side with the kids And their aunt. Because sometimes it's the really little things in life, that bring joy.