Sunday, October 21, 2012

fighting for a recovery

    Over the past five months. My mind has been consumed with trying to recover. I am constantly thinking about how to improve my mind through logic games, logic puzzles, and how to how to grieve what has been lost. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that it took 10 seconds for me to lose the ability to walk, talk c sit up, and many other things. At times, I feel very angry. That I cannot be the mom or the wife that I want to be. I have this little box where I keep an assortment of balls, sponges, and anything else that I feel would aid in my recovery.

 iI has been such a fight every day.  with myself, who I desire to be in the future. To be honest, I struggle many times with trusting that God is in all of this. I had no problems with my "former "life. But I realized through all this I am quite  a fighter.

 I fight for the ability to care, independently for my family. I I look forward very much to the day. When, I can look at a  door and open it with ease. I really miss, being able to pick up Hannah. So I fight for that to come back and.I believe, that someday God will restore to me was stolen. I am thankful, for the time I have with my family. Life is a battle. Maybe, you haven't experienced a battle yet  trust me it will come. Every person's battle will look different. It's in the battle that you begin to realize what kind of warrior you are.

      For the past five months, our focus has been fixated on getting me better. I am so thankful for Ben. Even,  when  it feels that we remain in a black.depressing hole. He was never given up. I know, that somehow,someway,someday. We will be back to normal. That in itself, keeps me going.  each day, I feel is a grieving process. To some extent, you grieve the difference. In life, and try to learn how to trust God more genuinely. This, is not easy. It' snot for the faint of heart.

working on wrist flexion

my ice bag in hand, trying to numb the area on my stomach where i get My daily shot
 I am due   in the next five weeks. Slowly ever so slowly. I am starting to think more about our newest member. Of our family. Who was only 13 weeks along when everything occurred. Now, is a healthy 35 weeks.

1 comment:

Mary Broussard said...

You are a warrior. So is healthy little one growing strong inside you. We will likely never have the answer to the question, "why?" Why did you allow this? Thankfully we do not worship God solely for what He does, but for WHO He is! He is faithful . He is trustworthy. He is Sovereign ! I believe that you will have a complete victory ! You are a strong woman!