This year, Christmas has been pretty interesting. I have had a really hard time getting into it. Whether it be from the barrage of people looking at our home, to the 80 degree weather each day or the fact that I'm 3 lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight and don't want to mess that up with millions of sweet things in the house; I'm not sure. However, I do realize this is Hannah's first Christmas and nevertheless, I still want to celebrate it. I just haven't been feeling it this year. Ben pointed it out that I"m not in my usual Christmas music listening, decorating mood and it's true. We are doing advent, which I feel is for us the most important part. So that's going well and the kids are learning a lot. Even Moriah, I love how Ben asks her a questions and she'll go " betuz" ( because). :) I have a wreath on the wall and a Nativity scene that was moved from the coffee table to my dining room table only to fall victim, yesterday of a squishy ball flying through the air and now a donkey has one ear instead of two. Ah, two pieces to fix this year. I went to the library to find a Christmas cd and found one so I have started playing that more often and ironically my Christmas shopping has been complete for weeks. I keep getting asked what I want for Christmas, and truly I don't know. I am very content. Yes, I would be more than ecstatic to move, but as far as the day to day I am so content. The mere fact that I have the privilege of holding Hannah every day as filled my Christmas wants for eternity. Thank you God for healthy children!
However, two days ago, we decided to go out and "hunt" down our latest Christmas tree in the woods of Walmart. You know, if you can't cut it down than who cares where it comes from! I only feel connected to this tree due in part that we were just in Oregon and that's where all the trees down here are shipped from. So with the 80 degree sun scorching our back we walk through the sliding doors and head left towards the garden center. As we entered, there she stood- alone, full of beauty ( despite a few dried branches) and smelling of the sweet Douglas fir scent with a 50% off price tag on her, we'll take her. The netting man was on break so we bought our dinner to make at home and then returned 15 min later to take her home.
Ben shook her out at home, she stands about 6 feet tall and we kept it simple. While I made egg rolls, Ben situated the tree in its stand and retrieved the lights. We strung the colored lights on the bottom for the kids and the white ones on top for us. Ben plugged the lights in and Austen excused himself from the table, walked over to three with his Children's Place stripped sweater on and red big boy pants and stood there, his hands clasped behind his back staring, smiling silently, The look on his face was beautiful, his round cheeks stretching as his smile grew and grew the more he admired our new found tree. This look melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes, I would do anything for my children.
No ornaments this year. It is a week before Christmas and I just do not feel like putting up all of our ornaments only to take them down within a week. The star has yet to be put on and that's ok. Christmas music is beginning to play throughout the day and I feel truly content. I have my family, more than I could ask for and I have Christ- amidst all my imperfection I feel overwhelmed that it's because of our imperfection, not perfection that He came to us. Praise God!
The kids have been asking to do a gingerbread train this year, so hopefully that'll be on the agenda this week, sometime, as well as a small batch of Christmas cookies to get us through the week. We may even celebrate Christmas morning on Christmas Eve morning this year as Ben works all Christmas day. Nevertheless we will still have a beautiful array of hor dourves on Christmas Eve, continue with our advent, listen to Christmas music and celebrate. Merry Christmas and if anything I've learned from this year, it's not about all the traditions that normally take place or from all the things that need to be done because sometimes, well, you just have an off year....it's about remembering the Savior who came that we might be saved, amidst all of our wretchedness. God, that I might have a childlike love for you always, thank you, just thank you!