Depression

I don't know if I should even write this post.....my blog is more of a virtual journey for me. I have been super down lately. The last month was incredibly difficult. I wanted nothing to do with anyone,anything at all. I wanted. To delete my Facebook and drop off from the face of the earth.if you ask me how I'm doing, my answer will depend on the setting, who's around, who you are and how sincere I gauge Your question.


        Over the past ten months. There have been moments of joy,excitement, so much pain and loss, and anger than I know what to do with sometimes. Yet, late in February . I received two cognitive evaluations,in a row.


         After, reading these two and seeing how far, I feel I have come and looking forward and seeing how far. I have still to go. Discouraged me more than I can express. I'm sick if this season.. I want every ounce of my life back. I want to home school, make all the meals, get rid of my cleaning lady, drive again.


         So upon. Seeing my downward spiral. My family, suggested I may be depressed, which I vehemently denied. I am not a depressed person! Depression meds just make  you fat,dependent . Apparently, I have a lot of judgemental  attitudes towards anti depressants.



         It takes a Bit to get the meds working,I on day two...still no weight gain...but I'm watching. I'm not proud to Be on them... But I'm putting  it out there so people know how to pray. I know this will be short term.


   I know, lots of people are on them...but I'm not one of them..generally, I'm very happy..just not lately...because depression can adversely effect my cognitive recovery and well being  of my family...after much fighting, denying, hurting others.....I've decided....it's not worth it anymore.


     Funny, I thought I was doing a good job of keeping it all to myself. Every morning, i would wake up with the best intention for a great day....yet, something would always happen that would send me into an emotional spiral.


Yes, I'm taking anti depressants.. No it's not natural...but I'm surviving this season...right now.



I pray,next year when I look back a year from now ill be blogging about home schooling again, gosh, I miss that !