Sunday, May 8, 2011

Bad Attitude warning

So I was making my way quite well through today and then now, mid afternoon, I have a pretty bad attitude. I just have to be honest...I am really starting to hate holidays in general. I try with everything in me to make them great, memorable, etc. but my husband always works all day on the holiday whether day or night, with no family around and nothing really special about the day it is getting old.

Of course, my kids make things special and we end up celebrating on a different day but I feel no real sense of sentimental attachemnt to rush and get cards in the mail or even care what day it is because we are never a whole family on that day anyways.

If you've never been in this position, please don't couldn't possibly understand in the first place. I would be totally fine if Ben was around...totally fine...but the fact that he is not and as hard as I might try all the expectations growing up are totally a bust by day end. It just feel like there is no point. What's a day?

Would I be such a horrible parent if I just stopped celebrating any and EVERY holiday until we could be all together, our little family of 6. I don't know. I am thinking of going up north during Christmas time just to get away from the sight of every one's driveways filled with family cars and no snow. Its just my traditional side will not let me "give up" ....I still go through all the preperations for the kids but the enjoyment of so much of it is really lacking.

I am looking forward to the day that a holiday stops landing on a Sat/Sunday and we can be together and celebrate and just enjoy the day. When we first moved out here, holidays were great..Ben did not work weekends/evenings so we enjoyed the day fully. Its just the being alone, totally no "greatness" about the day feeling.

If you've been in my situation and you have some nice advice, feel free to comment.....I'm not looking for pity, please don't patronize....this is more of a personal note for myself than anything.

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