Thursday, September 29, 2011

My Grandma

So last night, or early this morning, whichever way you want to look at it I had a dream about my Grandma. To understand my Grandma, let me just take a minute to describe my feelings and memories of her: soft skin, caring, loving, sometimes happy, sometimes not, huge farm, picking raspberries in the summer, long walks along country roads listening to cicadas, eating cheez curls, the smell of her blankets in between comfort and moth balls, her smile, having her read stories to me, measuring me for new dresses, always sewing, sewing some more, making sure I always had a hat on, even when I didn't feel it was cold enough, playing endless games of hot potato when my brother and I had a horrible case of chicken pox, spaghettios, graham crackers with jelly, vitamins, always giving vitamin, practical, a saver, a giver, my friend.

I had a dream last night that woke me up sobbing. I was pushing my Grandma ( who is 83, almost 84 and not on a single prescription) through the halls of an assisted living place. My Grandma, in real life, is very independent, has had knee surgeries but successfully lives life on her own. I kept saying, " Have you been outside, can I take you outside?" and then as we were walking along the balcony of this multi story building her wheelchair slipped and I was unable to pull her away from danger alone and I kept calling out for help...finally, someone came to assist. In my dream, for whatever reason, she was not able to help herself.

Then, when we made it to a safe spot, I picked her up and carried her in both arms and kept telling her over and over, " thank you, thank you, I love you, I love you". There were kids running in and out of the elevator and we let them go down first. It was almost as if it was their season and my Grandma's was about to pass. I kept saying how I would never want to be a child again, that wisdom gained is worth more than any years of youthfulness- and how true those words are.

I cannot imagine the day when I find that my Grandma has passed on from this life, onto her heavenly home- my heart is so heavy today, but I will tell you- she has invested so much life into me, has given me so much that my heart is overflowed with the special bond you will only find between a grandma and a granddaughter, this is not the " I see you once a year and I'm good" this is , " you invested in me when I was young, now let me invest in you while you are old". I love you Grandma- thank you for always believing in me and loving me.

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