Sunday, February 19, 2012

Grow Old With Me Please

Out of the blue, I could not sleep last night and then when I finally did fall asleep I had the most realistic and intense dream ever. Ben and I were around 100, married for around 80 years and we were laying in bed late at night and I just held his hand and looked at him with the most indescribable peace and said, " Baby, I do not think I am going to be waking up tomorrow. I think I will be meeting Jesus tonight."

Years that had turned into decades that had turned into a half of a century that had turned into a lifetime of love, heartache, memories, laughter, sadness, growing and family was coming to an end, this side of heaven. He held my hand and we decided to call up our family.

As we turned on the lights in the living room, for it was late at night, car upon car upon car of first, second, third and fourth generations began filling our living room. Ben and I sat in two chairs. He sat quietly, holding my hand and as I had each family divide into their respective heads, Jayden's family, Austen's, Moriah's, etc. I walked around and blessed them.

I looked each child, grandchild, great grandchild, great-great grandchild in the eyes and spoke a blessing upon them. Speaking the word of God into their hearts and declaring promise for their lives. After this moment was over the families mingled and the small children ran wild in the house and Ben and I sat and just took it all in.

We observed more than interacted. Laughter filled the air and the presence of God- just an indescribable peace was in our home. I felt so sad, knowing that my time on earth was over, but such an expectant peace at what lay ahead of me and the five children that I would finally be meeting in Heaven. My heart lept inside of me knowing that Ben and I, by God's grace, gave this life our all. We sacrificed and poured into our children and children's children the love and grace and peace of God. The feeling was overwhelming.

Even now, I am crying because the dream was so real. Finally, for the final time in my life on Earth and slowly got up and asked my great-great-great grandchildren if they wanted to make chocolate chip cookies with me. For decades I had been the warm hearth of baking smells and love that my family had grown to expect and love.

Standing over the kitchen aid, the children clamored and we broke the eggs and they poured the flour, and it spilled everywhere, and I didn't care. I  kept looking at Benjamin through the crowds and laughter and whispering, " Thank you, thank you for our life together" and tears crept into his old eyes and he just kept blowing me sweet, gentle kisses and saying, " thank you".

After the cookies were baked and the families had given me their hugs and love and I embraced my children extra long because I knew, I knew my time was ending. Ben and I slowly, very slowly walked to our bedroom and we laughed and cried and got ready for bed one final time. We held hands and he kept saying, " Please don't go to sleep yet, I'm not ready to say goodbye". SO we talked and reminisced more and we had so many memories, so many beautiful memories. Finally, my old body overcame to sleep and I kissed him one last time and looked him in the eyes and said, " Thank-you for loving me and for our life together." We held hands, we fell asleep.

May we finish well and finish strong. May our home be filled with generation upon generation of God-fearing children and grandchildren. My our love and life be a testimony to them. By God's grace. Amen.


cati Stokes said...

Beautiful! You are an inspiration to me, I see you 'Fighting the good fight' to walk upright as a wife and mother-Thank you

Amanda said...

Thanks Cati, its completely God changing me...that's all I can say!

Heather@Cultivated Lives said...

Oh Amanda, this post is just beautiful. It makes me excited to grow old with this man of mine and look forward to the legacy of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren who know and love Jesus as much as I do...