Monday, October 18, 2010
I have had quite an emotional weekend. The activity on our house is picking up just a little and we had an offer. Everything was exciting until I found out they wanted my window treatments and curtains. I kind of had a mental breakdown. Why? Because even though they are very trivial the point is I decorated our home, I picked them out and we are already losing everything in the sale of this home, why should I give them window coverings? I was angry, emotional and hysterical. I called Ben up at 5:00am, yes because of course I'm up at this time, and was just like sobbing about "how dare they ask and buy your own frickin' window coverings and the whole housing market can just fall down the black hole..." you get the idea.
Ben was very understanding and just said, " maybe they really liked how you decorated and wanted to have it...." Then I talked with my mom and Ben's mom. My Mom suggested that maybe this whole curtain rod issue was the last "straw" for me as far as what I can take with this whole housing thing but also the last thing to give up, into the hands of God. Do I trust that he will provide better window treatments in our next house. Do I trust that every little, minute detail, he already has orchestrated and worked out. That He is faithful and knows his daughter so intimately that there will be small details in the house that I know were due to God's Abba love. Through tears and a clenched jaw,I started praying, asking God for verses in the bible to just encourage me and continue to walk us through. He brought me to Jeremiah 31 and Matthew 7:11..... in Jeremiah how God promised the Israelites how he would rebuild them and the would go forth. How us being evil can still give good gifts to our children, how much more the Lord to us.
I was so encouraged by this and I kept repeating, " God you are working behind the scenes , you've got this one. I know you do. You are not going to take this offer and walk away while it's working its way through the bank. You are stronger than that, you work on your time, not ours, you work in your ways, not ours. Human hands cannot stop nor alter the plans of the Lord. You are faithful.
I woke up yesterday feeling very encouraged and expectant for what God is going to do in this situation. We don't have a whole lot of options and are trying to do the right thing. We pray this option works. God is faithful, as I look back on the past 7 years of my life, I see where in every area of my life, He has broken down and destroyed my ideals and human made trust so that I can only look back and forward and raise my hands and say, " It was you God, It is you God, it forever will be you GOD!"
Praise you God! You are faithful! My children, my marriage, my husband's job, your provisions in Michigan, our cars, our home, it has always been you and nothing that Ben nor I have ever done. By your mighty hand you lead us and guide us, may we have wisdom now I pray.